Grief takes many forms and one that often catches us short is grief for someone who’s still living. We watch them cycle in and out of hard choice after bad circumstance, praying, begging God to rescue and hoping that this time — this time — will cause a change. It’s a joy to welcome Abby McDonald, author of Shift: Changing Our Focus to See the Presence of God, to share how her hope changed when her perspective changed.

The antidote to loss of hope when we grieve someone who’s living. 

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I was fresh out of words. With arms folded across my chest, I looked out the bay window as if I might find fresh fire for my prayers. It seemed as though each one fell flat or hit some invisible wall, not reaching the place I needed it to.

For years, I didn’t realize you could grieve a living person. In my mind, grief was reserved for those who left this life for the next or perhaps those fighting a terminal illness. But someone still alive? I didn’t see it.

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My heart sank Sunday afternoon as we learned of the tragic helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant along with his 13-year-old daughter and 7 other precious souls. 

We’d been to church that morning with my son and daughter-in-law and then out to lunch for Mexican. The guys were out exploring some new buildings going up on the block when they rushed in with the news, turning the tv on to find coverage as the story developed.

I don’t even follow the Lakers or professional basketball. While I’ve raised boys who love basketball, I don’t really know Kobe or his family and the other 7 killed in the helicopter accident are complete strangers.

And yet this kind of loss triggers real grief.  As details emerge and images of the families are shared, public tragedies and celebrity deaths can trigger our own personal grief.

Families are grieving husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, children, sisters, brothers, grandchildren, friends. Many are grieving multiple losses.

Part of our sadness is shared grief but if you’ve lost a husband or wife, son or daughter, mother, father, sister or brother, you may be sensing your own personal grief resurface.

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Never apologize for tears of grief that help you heal.

Tears are the first words in grief.

After Dan died, it’s like a valve was turned allowing my tears to tumble easily throughout the day.

I cried alone, I cried during my morning quiet time, I cried with my kids. I cried while running, I cried with friends, I cried in the car. I cried myself to sleep and cried in my dreams.

Sundays brought an overflow of tears. I usually made it through teaching with just a few tears and held them back when talking with friends.

But worship undid me. It seemed the song set was picked just for me helping me express deep groanings of my shattered heart. There, wrapped in the presence of God, tears came hot and steady, a messy mix of grief for who we’d lost and hope because of Who held us.

I never knew a person could cry so many tears.
I never knew a person could cry so many tears for so many months.

Never apologize for your tears.

God who created us also created our emotions and in his flawless design has given humans alone the unique gift of emotional tears.

It’s no wonder science keeps uncovering the incredible benefit of our tears.

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