This week is so mixed for so many. While many will celebrate this week, many others will suffer through with ache and emptiness — from miscarriages, a mother’s death, a child’s death or infertility. Today, I welcome the story of a dear friend, Denise, who has walked through both heartache and celebration and would not give back one day of either.
Baby Steps of Trust
Denise always dreamed of being a mom. While others were preparing for careers, her heart was set on being a mom. But it didn’t come easily. She went through many painful years of doctors’ appointments and fertility treatments. Those years also held great spiritual fruit, however, and she would later see all that God was doing in her heart to prepare her for a great work.
Denise had a storybook childhood, growing up in a loving and secure Christian home with no real worries. She met her husband, John, at church and they began dating after high school. After his college graduation, they had their dream wedding and moved into a cute little house. Life was clipping along comfortably as planned.
Until John lost his job. For 6 months, John could find nothing locally but was finally offered a job three states away. Crushed at having to leave her family, Denise begged God for Plan B. But she knew this job – and the move — was from God and so off the young couple went.
Denise was miserably homesick and cried every day for months. She was also actively trying to get pregnant and although she never said it out loud, Denise said she felt God should compensate her obedience in moving by letting her get pregnant. “I thought, if God would just give me a baby I’d be happy in Charlotte,” Denise remembers. God owed her this.
But as months turned to years with no pregnancy, Denise became preoccupied by worry and what if’s. She desperately prayed for a baby. She wanted to trust God – she knew she should. But she clutched her desire for a baby so tightly that it was difficult to trust what God may have for her. What if God didn’t give them children?
It became so all-consuming she had to learn to trust God not day by day but moment by moment. She remembers it felt like a death she re-lived every month. “When you’re the one trying, it seems like everyone is pregnant around you.”
In the hard years: Denise’s smile hides her deep pain.
A Heart Transformed
During these years, Denise clung to Psalm 37:4 ~
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart.
Her heart desired a baby. Oh, how she wanted to please the Lord so that He would give her this heart desire. “I thought going to church and doing all the right things was delighting Him. I wanted a baby no matter what, even if God didn’t want me to have one,” Denise recalls.
Despite desperate prayers, God did not change her circumstances. God changed her heart.
“I thought I was waiting on God to work or move. But I discovered that He’d been waiting on me all along to remove from the throne of my heart the desire for a baby that was taking His place. Even a good thing like my desire for a baby had become an idol in my life. It took five long, hard years to come to a place where I could say if there is never a baby, You are good and I love You and trust You.”
But God was doing much in these 5 years and the very move that Denise had wrestled against. Away from their families, she and John forged a strong marriage. Denise says moving was the healthiest thing that could have happened to their marriage. They also grew to love their church family and formed lifetime friendships. And God led them to a Christian infertility specialist in Charlotte who was as much pastor as doctor. His prayer, counsel and resources proved invaluable.
Blessings Abundant (Really Abundant!)
One day, Denise got a call from the specialist that her bloodwork indicated a possible pregnancy. As she and John watched the sonogram, her doctor studied it quietly. After years of hoping and longing for a baby, countless tests and procedures and her 9th IVI treatment, her doctor announced with incredulity that there were 5 sacs and 3 heartbeats. A week later, doctors confirmed she was carrying five viable babies.
Denise wasn’t done learning to trust God. Now she began trusting that God would keep all five babies safe and healthy. But God was already taking care of every detail. One week before they even knew of the pregnancy, John had accepted a job in their hometown. Denise and John would be back with family and countless childhood friends during the high risk pregnancy and after the babies were born.
She went onto bed rest at 17 weeks and into the hospital at 24 weeks. “Isn’t it interesting that God took a girl like me with a weak faith, who . . . worried and fretted about everything and struggled with trusting Him and He put me in a position where literally all I could do was lie flat on my back and look up to Him and trust?” At 6 ½ months, Denise developed a life-threatening complication and had an emergency C-section. All five babies – Caroline, Grace, Olivia, Ben and Drew – were small but healthy.
Five years of waiting . . . five beautiful blessings.
Parenting with Awe
From day one, Denise could tell each baby apart. When the babies came home, she had a team of helpers including grandparents and friends from church. “I look back and wonder how we did it,” Denise said. “You’d be amazed how quickly the abnormal becomes normal.”
She kept a detailed diary of feedings and diaper changes. They spent days in their playroom or backyard. On date nights, John would bring in dinner from Outback after the kids went to bed or they’d all pile into the car and eat take-out while parked in front of a carousel to entertain the kids. Because they didn’t go out much when the kids were little, they spent lots of time together, another grace that drew them close together as a family.
A marriage strengthened by trials prepared Denise and John for quintuplets.
Waiting on God shaped Denise to parent with gratefulness and wonder.
Despite the suffering, Denise would not trade one day of the very hard 5 years of infertility that she and John experienced. “It completely changed the kind of mom I am,” Denise says. “I had seen motherhood as a right but I came to see it as a privilege.“ She added “God didn’t have to do this and He did. There were still hard days and days I couldn’t wait for bedtime to come but even a bad day wasn’t a bad day. It was all worth it getting to parent with that perspective and getting to stand back and be awed.”
Denise can now see that God didn’t just use each trial; the trials were God’s goodness to prepare and equip her for the next step. The difficult move to Charlotte strengthened her marriage for years of infertility. And learning to trust God during infertility helped them trust God during the high-risk pregnancy and as they parented five children at once.
“What incredible blessings came from waiting on God and trusting His plan for my life. If God had given me that one baby I was desperately seeking 5 years earlier, I would have missed the opportunity to witness an absolute miracle. . . But most of all I would have missed Him — Knowing Him, His grace, His strength in such a real way.”
“I never get over what God did” Denise shares as she has watched her kids grow and their gifts develop.
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Happy to be sharing at #livefreeThursday, LWSL, #tellHisstory, Coffee for your Heart, Wise Woman, Fellowship Fridays, Art of Homemaking Mondays, Modest Monday, SDS Gathering,Titus2sday
What an incredible testimony!! Thank you so much for sharing =) Beautiful family!!!
Love, love, love, love, love! 🙂
I love how time and prayer gave her the perspective to see how God was at work all along. My favorite part is the picture at the end of 5 beautiful, healthy young adults. What a testimony! Thanks for sharing this family’s story.
It was a joy to share this Beth! So amazing to see them today as almost-graduated seniors!
Beautiful story of a beautiful lady!!
…another Grace that Drew them close together…..
The Lord is so good! Beautiful family! It is a privilege and an everyday blessing!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Haha, Rhonda, I didn’t even see that! God is aware of details we don’t even know about! And miracles all around us. <3
Such a sweet testimony of a beautiful family! Thank you for sharing this.
Wow, what a beautiful testimony of God’s goodness. Reminds me so much of what we learn in James. It’s so counter cultural to consider our trials a joy, but as Christ followers we know that it’s often through our struggles that God is preparing our hearts to receive a greater blessing than we could have asked for. So glad to be visiting you today from Holley’s place.
Thank you Becky. If we could only have God’s eyes to see that the trials are not meant to harm us but to work God’s best in us. Yes, so true!
What a sweet sweet testimony as to Gods love for us! I’ve loved watching them grow into the sweet loving young people! I remember when they where born and the whole church family was sooo excited. We all prayed and bought diapers! I can’t wait to see just what all the Lord is going to do in their lives for his glory!
Yes, Brenda, Denise shared about the diaper drive and all of the help she was given. I researched and saw this was the first set of quints ever born in our city!
Tears of joy…? What a blessing each and every one !
Arlene, these stories just fuel my faith to trust our good God. xoxo
Such an amazing story of hope and faith! My husband and I are still waiting on our miracle after almost 7 years. We’ve done 5 IUI treatments and many medicated at home cycles. I have now came to peace with it and we are taking a break until God tells us to try again. If that never happens I will be okay! Because I know now, after 7 years, that He is faithful and He is preparing my heart for something much more and beautiful than I expected or could ever want. Thank you for sharing your story! It gives women like myself, Hope!
Kristi, thankful to hear your words of resting in God for this heart prayer! I will be praying for you and your husband by name. I will shortly be sharing another story of a mom that waited 10 years. It’s not about infertility, but that, of course is part of her story. Praying God smiles upon you this week!
I love the reminder that God is always working in the background of our seemingly impossible situations to bring about HIS plans and HIS glory through our lives! And how awesome that these five children have grown up knowing how much their parents love God and love them! Thank you for sharing!
I think these 5 have heard about the miracle God did for them many times! They are really close, but each so uniquely gifted. It’s precious!
What a beautiful and powerful testimony! God is so good! This also reminded me to pray for those who are still waiting, or who have experienced loss this weekend! Great post!
So true, Karrilee, as this week is hard for many.
Awe,….God is so good to us. This is a great story about both persevering and preserving faith. How awesome is it to reap the Lord’s favor because we are obedient and diligent to pursue His holiness. Congrats! What a great looking bunch.
Jenny, His blessings are definitely far greater than we could imagine!
Amazing testimony!!! Encouraging for me. Thanks for sharing!
W/Love,
Tayrina from TGAWrites
Thank you for reading Tayrina!
Dear Lisa, I love love this story!!!!
For more than just the testimony but the huge impart it will make in the lives of countless women.
Coincidentally, I will be speaking to a group of women at a conference and top on the list of discussions is infertility . I am blessed reading this testimony.
God Bless Lisa
Wow, this is amazing! Beautiful children 🙂 Thank you for sharing this encouragement on the Art of Home-Making Mondays this week!
This is such a great story for many reason, but I love the fact that it highlights that God wants US first because He knows how good it is for His children to have an intimate, growing relationship with Him.
We have been married for two and a half years and two miscarriages. . .I think I could handle twins, but I’m not sure about five at a time!
Well, I hope this testimony encourages you as you wait to see all that God DOES have for you and your husband. Blessings to you!
What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. It is amazing how God uses everything in our life for good if we will only let Him.
Yes, Jennifer, you are right! I hope I can get to a place where I can see this prospectively and not just in hindsight vision. Thank you!
What an incredible story! That is a story of faith and testimony. Thank you for sharing Denise’s story.
Love sharing this story of abundance out of hopelessness. 🙂
What and incredible story. God has a way of making all of our suffering worth it, doesn’t he? Denise was blessed with such a beautiful family, what a fantastic outcome. Thank you for sharing this story at the first #ForAllMoms link party.
Awesome wonder our God… Thank You Daddy God. I trust You completely for mine.
What an incredible testimony!! Encouraging for me. Thank you for sharing Lisa Appelo 🙂
Love hearing and seeing how God works in people’s lives continuously. His plans are always better than ours!
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 6 years now. We did some treatments and one IUI but nothing worked. Now we have decided that we would wait on God for a miracle. Please lift us in prayer.
What an amazing story…Feels very happy for you.. God always knows what and when to bless his children…
Very nice family….
Waaow, am trusting God to give me beautiful testimony of twin babies, I connect myself to your testimony. Thanks for sharing my faith has being lifted.
Struggling with infertility myself, this was such an encouragement! Thank you for sharing this glimpse of hope for me and also giving me an eye-opening perspective on my desires vs God’s!
Thank you God. Giving you all the glory. May I receive great testimonies of abundance children. Amen.
I am myself waiting for my miracle since one and half year. Cant stop shedding tears of joy and gratitude after reading this testimony. so happy for the couple.
Praying for you now and thank you for sharing. xoxo
This is God at work. Glory be to His Holy name.
Thank you for sharing such uplifting story. I had two miscarriages a year apart. I was told it was nothing to worry about despite having multiple fibroids. The doctors were not concerned about the position of the fibroids. Miraculously, I became pregnant within a month after the second miscarriage. To be honest I accepted the first two but for the 3rd pregnancy I told God to take the driving seat. I had a bleed about 8 weeks while I was at work. I rejected the lies of the enemy and I heard clearly from God that he is in control. The bleeding settled and the baby was growing very well and kicking despite the fibroids. Infact, I spent most of my time thanking God as it was a miracle. I started having pain which they thought was fibroid degeneration and I was given strong pain relief. I still trusted God for a healthy pregnancy and never doubted him. I was checked at the hospital and everything was fine. I actually was happy to be back home knowing God is in control. The pain returned, I went into premature labour and I lost my daughter at 18 weeks. I no God has a plan and he is still God in the bad time. I just find it really overwhelming to come to terms with the way everything ended. I was praising one minute and the next minute I was struck with grief. I was very hopeful and exercised my faith. I am not even sure what to pray for anymore. I will appreciate some prayers for strength and clarity.
Karen, I’m so sorry for this deep loss. It’s loss upon loss and I pray you feel God’s comfort holding you through this. You may find the books on baby and pregnancy loss helpful. https://lisaappelo.com/best-christian-books-on-grief-and-loss/
This is exactly my situation. Got pregnant right after getting married… lost the baby at 12 weeks. Then nothing for 3 years. Then just as we had bought our tickets to go see a doctor in the UK (we live in Africa), I had a surprise pregnancy which we unfortunately lost at 6 weeks, a couple of weeks before we were to travel. The doctor told me I would never conceive again, but we continued praying fervently with faith and scripture, and 6 months later, we were pregnant again. We were so sure this was it… and to make it more beautiful, the baby’s due date was my birthday! However, at 7 weeks, after a terrible spiritual battle in my dreams, I lost that baby too. It’s been a year and a month since then and I’ve cried every single day, but still hanging on to faith and hope. I’m 45 so it doesnt look good medically, but God is not limited by science. I know exactly how you feel. Some days I ask God why? Why give me so much hope only for it to be dashed. How does my weeping and pain glorify you.l Lord? O dont have the answers, but like Peter I say to him Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. I have no other succour or help than God and I will look for no other.
I also asked him what he wants me to do in the time of waiting, and it ie clear that I must continue to bear fruit… winning souls for Christ through the young adult group I mentor, daily witnessing to him and renewing my mind and heart in Him…. daily.
I pray your faith and mine may get strengthened through these difficult trials and that we may both come to appreciate the goodness and mercy of God even through our losses. And I pray that very soon, if not yet, he may bless us 100fold for all we have lost, so much so that the pain of those losses will fade into nothing but gratitude and abiding joy. In Jesus name.
Powerful Testimony. I tap into this blessing. We have been married for ten years with no children. Still waiting on God.My husband is a Pastor and he always prays for people to have children. We believe that God is doing it for us. We are very hopeful.
For us it hasn’t been five years, but 23, and still no happy ending, no miracle. Am I thankful for those years of brokenness and suffering? No. It has been 23 years of excruciating pain. I totally understand the feeling of monthly death. For us that totals 276 deaths and still counting.
So where is God? Absent, silent, on the sideline, doing nothing to alleviate the pain. I am at the end of the road, there’s no joy or strength left in me. I am simply broken, torn to pieces, cast aside. Psalm 88 is my life. Like the writer, I am still crying to God, not willing to turn away from Him. I’m crying, “Lord, to whom would I go?”. There is no other place to go but here, but it is still a place of suffering and pain without end.
I am so sorry for you pain. Sometimes there are no bows we can wrap around our suffering. I have not been in your shoes, but I have prayed for a miracle I didn’t get after my husband passed away suddenly. It is raw faith to cling to God when we don’t get what we want and choose to follow Him in all things.