In a world dominated by likes and followers, true Christian friendship is such a gift. Girlfriends to do life with, who cheer our dreams and who know our struggles and still love us make life rich and sweet.
In the last few years, making and keeping friends has been hard for me. Between my family, writing and minsistry, there’s not much time left to meet up with friends. And while I comment and catch up on my friends’ online posts almost daily, that’s a poor substitute for hanging out in real life.
Maybe it’s no wonder that in the last few years loneliness has been a challenge. I could blame it on becoming a single mom, but loneliness is widespread in our culture. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness an epidemic.
God did not create us to do life alone. We flourish best with friends we can pour into and who can pour into us. That won’t just happen. We have to be intentional about building deep friendship.
We also have to be the friend we want to have. What are the marks of true Christian friendship? Here’s what scripture says.
1. A real friend shares the same truth. Godly girlfriends have more in common than same-aged kids or similar hobbies. Friendship will go deepest when friends share the same beliefs and want the same things out of life. 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”
2. A real friend goes the distance. A real friend will walk with us through the hard. They will not only laugh with us in the sunshine but stand with us in the rain. Or offer an umbrella. And walking through the hard won’t kill the friendship; it will deepen it. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend is made for adversity.”
3. A real friend listens well and counsels well. Sometimes, we just need someone to hear us. How many times have you worked something out just by talking it out? Real friends get that. But there are also times we need solid godly counsel. Real friends can be counted on to listen well and counsel well. Proverbs 27:9 “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”
4. A real friend keeps confidences. This is so important. We need to know we’re safe. That when we vulnerably share our struggles and our mess-ups, they won’t be used against us. Proverbs 16:28 “…a gossip separates close friends.”
5. A real friend picks right up where she left off 6 months ago. Isn’t it crazy how months can pass before we’re able to pick up the phone and call that cherished friend or meet for that longed-for coffee? True soul friends can push pause after every conversation and pick right back up the next time they’re together. Proverbs 18:24 “…there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
6. A real friend can say hard things. A few years ago, a dear friend was making some bad choices with bad consequences. Only a true friend will risk saying what needs to be said. Deep friendship can buffer hard truth. Proverbs 27:6 “wounds from a friend can be trusted.”
7. A real friend knows being there is enough. We can’t always fix things, but we can be there. We can listen, we can love and we can pray. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one. . .if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”
8. A real friend celebrates rather than compares. She is genuinely happy for your blessings. Rather than sink into envy, she will encourage and share your delight in God’s goodness. Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice.”
9. A real friend forgives. Expectations can wipe out a friendship. Even in a good friendship, we can forget to call back or fail to realize a friend’s need. True Christian friends need to be quick to apologize and quick to forgive. Proverbs 17:9 “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats a matter separates close friends.”
10. A real friend makes you a better person each time you’re together. It’s true. Godly girlfriends make you a better mom, wife, Christ follower. Their conversation is refreshing and time spent together is a filling of the soul. Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Praise God He’s given us friends to do life with – to laugh and cry and struggle and rejoice and pray together. What about you? What would you add to this list of true Christian friendship?
Thank you for this post which I finished over at Arabah. I feel so lonely spiritually much of the time. I have one friend I can talk with on the deeper things of God but she is very busy in ministry so I don’t like to contact her very often. I wonder why over my lifetime I have had so few friends and question what is wrong with me. I do reach out to others that may be lonely or going through hard times since I know what it feels like to feel alone. I have been married for almost 50 years to a good man who is not that interested in spiritual things. He goes to church but that seems to be enough for him and I want more, hungering for the Presence of the Lord, wanting to connect on a deeper level with my Lord and others.
Priscilla, loneliness is so hard. I have periods of that as well and I’ve watched a child go through it. It is something to commit to God in prayer and ask Him to bring you friendship. I believe this is within His will for us and that He will answer that prayer. And then, practically, pursuing friendship with someone God has put in your path — a Sunday school class, a Bible study, a volunteer ministry. Blessings as God continues to lead you.
Hi Lisa,
I was so lucky to have you for not only a great cousin but a great friend too. I will always cherish the fun times we had together when we were young. GOD IS GOOD.
Me too, Cindy! We had some seriously good times. I love you as well, all the way across the miles! [And this wasn’t your quote. ;)]
Beautifully said, Lisa. Your posts are always so relevant to what I or a someone I know is going through. I miss being in your SS class–I learned so much. Thank you for allowing me to continue to grow through your blog. You truly help me to see God’s truth in ways I cannot on my own. Love to you.
We miss you, Lisa, but I’m so very grateful for women with your heart that serve our little ones! Love you as well. And you have an open and forever invitation to our get-togethers!
I struggled for years and years to find the deep friendships that my soul desired, but as with most things, God’s timing is perfect (even if we don’t think so sometimes) He provided a perfect friend at the exact moment that I was going through a troubling time. I love her so much for her willingness to speak the truth. I would love for her to live closer so we could shop and have lunch more often, but I realize that God worked his plan out perfectly when I needed it the most.
What a great testimony, Karen. Deep friendship is sometimes the fruit of going through troubled times. Thank you for sharing!