Time does not heal. Time is neutral.
I remember after Dan died wanting to leap ahead a few years so we could finally get to a place where it felt good again. But I know now that time alone will not heal. It’s what we do with that time that can heal.
This hit fresh this morning as I was journaling my daily thanks. I was thinking back over the previous day and what I had to be thankful for and realized that for the first time in years, I’d thought about plans for a couple of years down the road. Woop!
That may not seem unordinary to many of you. But when life as we knew it collapsed, making any kind of plan past the next week seemed unthinkable. My future was a blank slate. How in the world could I know what it held? Even our summer’s bucket list had become useless.
Within the space of a few hours, life had irrevocably shifted. I was unmoored from our life rhythms. We were no longer tied to Dan’s job. We were no longer tied to this city by Dan’s job. We were no longer tied to his work schedule, his days off, his vacation time, his plans, our dreams.
Would I be able to continue homeschooling? Would we stay here in this house? In this town? What would our finances be like in a year? Five years? Ten years? Would I be single from now on and, if not, what changes would that bring?
I couldn’t even fathom what life would look like long term.
I could only focus on a day to day basis. It took all my energy and hope and trust to get through one day. Sleep was blissful because sleep meant closing my eyes to the grief and the “new normal.” As soon as I woke and remembered this was now our life, I wanted to pull the covers back over my head. But I had seven kids who needed a mom. I focused on what was needed that day and couldn’t begin to think long-tetm.
I remember Rachel asking how we would celebrate her 18th birthday. We were barely two weeks from Dan’s death and as much as I wanted to mark this milestone birthday with her, as much as my heart wanted to celebrate her well, I couldn’t muster plans to pull off an 18th birthday party. I wasn’t even getting dinner on the table.
As the months rolled on, I slowly, slowly began to look a little further out. What would the kids study in school this year? What activities would they participate in? Would I stay in youth or move to another ministry at church?
But anything further than the current year was beyond my short horizon. My future was still wide-open, nebulous white space.
So I was pleasantly surprised this morning as I thought over what God was doing and what I was thankful for and realized I had been forming some long range plans. It’s another sign of healing, like new skin that begins to appear around the edges of a wound.
God is good. It’s not time that heals. Time is valueless. If time alone healed, there would be no bitterness. No one would get stuck in grief. Healing happens with hard work and God.
These last four years have meant processing the full impact of various emotions, of confronting fear and worries, of trusting God with things I can’t fix and things I don’t have answers for. Day after day after day, I’ve come to God bringing my despair and loneliness and pain. I’ve opened His Word and found Truth and Life and Hope. It’s been daily manna — enough for that day. The next day, I’ve had to go back and exchange my stuff for His.
I don’t expect that we’ll ever be completely healed — if that means made good as new. God may have blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former, and given him double the livestock and ten more children, but I guarantee you Job forever grieved his oldest ten children.
We will always walk with a limp. We loved deeply and miss deeply. But I trust there will be a day that new skin covers the wound fully and though tender, the hardest pain will be over.
Time does not heal all wounds.
God does.
Sweet, sweet words, my friend. Thank you for sharing – such hope! Praying for you =)
It *is* such hope! That His grace is sufficient. Thank you Amanda.
Lisa, I’ve often thought about what you said about Job. Yes, he was blessed more in the second half of his life than before, but that in no way undid the losses he suffered and the way those losses changed him. It’s a powerful reality, one that should not be glossed over! I rejoice with you at those signs of healing you are discovering in your own life, and I pray that God’s grace will continue to sustain you as you move into the future He has for you.
Yes, it’s not like all his pain was erased by God’s latter blessing. Thank you Lois.
“And the way those losses changed him.” Exactly.
Lisa,
Weeping and rejoicing with you.
I love you!
Rene’ ❤️
TY Rene. ♡
Thank you sweet Lisa! <3
Prayed for you tonight Beth. <3
Reading your encouraging words helps but it also makes me realize I’m not there yet . It all is so fresh .
(((Toni))) This is a long-distance hug. Praying that in the hard you’ll see God’s hand all over you.
Hi Lisa! What a beautiful study of how grace can change our hearts. I know you will never forget your Dan, or be through grieving for him…but it does get a little better with time.
It’s interesting that you say that time doesn’t heal, but rather what we do with it. I never thought about this saying that way, but I believe you have it right. I hope you will continue to be open to the changes and movements of peace in your life as you can finally look ahead.
Your neighbor at #RaRa Linkup,
Ceil
Ceil, it is getting better and God has done so much for us and in us these last 4 years. Thank you for visiting.
Healing does only happen through God, what wise words. Thank you for pointing us to Him even in the midst of pain. Your neighbor at #tellhisstory.
Thank you for visiting Kortney!
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your husband was a wonderful man. You are right–recovery takes hard work and God. Only he can heal our wounds as we realize how Jesus suffered in every way–even the ways that we suffer. May God continue to heal you and bless you as you journey with him.
Thank you Anita.
Your words are so good to read. Grief and loss take time, yes, but as you say, it’s not the time that does the healing. I’m so glad that you are slowly gaining the healing that you are. Thank you for sharing your story. It is an encouragement.
This is such a wonderful, grace filled, hope giving post. I sat here weeping, just soaking in the words from someone who understands. This past year has been hard. I have lost 9 family members due to diseases and accidents in the past 11 months. It’s so hard. At times I feel like I can’t feel the pain at all. Like I’m numb or maybe even calloused by the rawness of it all.
I know God is good. I place my hope in Him. I wish time would make it go away. I also know it won’t. But this gave me hope & peace today:
“time + God = grace sufficient.”
Thank you for sharing at Grace & Truth. Please stop by this week and share some more.
Kaylene,
That is an incredible amount of loss to absorb. I am praying for you tonight, that you see the good hand of the Lord even in such loss.
Oh Lisa. My heart aches for you and your family. This got me –>> “We will always walk with a limp.” My goodness, yes. And you know what? That’s okay.
It took me some time to realize that though our family would eventually “be okay”, we would never “be the same”, after we survived a devastating tornado four years ago. The repercussions that followed were (and still are) hard, and they will most likely last the rest of our lives.
Praying for your family as you continue to process all that is your healing journey. Blessings! #livefreeThursday #family
What a beautiful testimony to the healing the Lord is doing in your heart and life over the course of time. Thank you for sharing and speaking truth that it’s ok to never be the same but that doesn’t mean the Lord doesn’t have something truly wonderful for you 🙂 #livefree
Powerful and encouraging words, especially for those of us who are told time will heal our wounds.
May you keep moving forward with Jesus!
Beautiful and heart-touching. Lisa, I can’t fathom what you’ve gone through, but you continue to amaze me. Girl ~ you continue to amaze! Jesus in you continues to rise in beauty, even in the midst of life’s hardest. His truth in you is a beacon of light, shining to all that His grace is sufficient.
Beautiful!
😥😥😥😥😥😥. So true!!!!! This was bittersweet!!!! God IS the ONLY One that can heal our brokenness!!!! Thank you Lisa for sharing and caring!!!!! 💗