As we have added children to our family, one of our favorite habits has been to spend one-on-one time with each child. This can be as easy as taking one child on an errand or letting a child ride her bike along on your morning walk.
It’s so easy for me to get caught up in my work of parenting and have a pack mindset. If one needs a haircut, might as well have them all get haircuts. And we tend to go places altogether — to games and Wednesday night church activities, co-op and family outings.
But it’s amazing how our kids will open up when we have them alone. My boys will actually converse and offer up information and — most valuable — share their hopes and dreams. My girls always chatter but when we spend time alone, our conversations go so much deeper. (Well, with my college girl! It’s still all ballet and the newest choir song with my 7-year-old.)
Several years ago, I turned a limitation into one of our favorite family traditions. I’d been homeschooling the kids for a couple of years and one day, I moaned to myself as I thought of non-homeschooling friends playing tennis and meeting for lunch. Man, I’d love to go out to lunch, I thought.
And then it hit me. I could take one child at a time and we could go out to lunch together. (I know. Not so original but that’s how my mind works.) Not only would it solve my restlessness, but I would get to focus and enjoy one child at a time. And so we started.
I usually let each child pick the restaurant. We started with youngest to oldest, to let the youngest have a chance at being first. We didn’t do it every week; we would have a cycle where I would take a child once a week and then we’d go months before doing it again.
As we started our lunches out, I saw two unexpected perks. First, the anticipation for their special day was almost as much fun as the day itself.
But the second perk was the best. As each child’s day rolled around, the other kids would be so excited for him and would gather around when we got back to hear all about it. I think I had expected to handle some grumbling from the kids who stayed home with their ham sandwiches, but instead I saw them truly happy for their brothers and sisters. I can only chalk that up to having their love tanks full enough to share.
As we talk about {re}building family with traditions and laughter and rhythm in our homes, intentional one-on-one lunches with each child is something I want to re-establish. The years are hurrying by.
How do you spend one-on-one time with your children? Comments are open and I’d love to hear your experiences! 🙂
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Lisa
I have started this with my daughter for many years. We usually will head out to Olive Garden(her favorite). Do not even have to order because they know us so well. This is also a special time for both of us.
Frank