{re}building family: hands free parenting

“Look at my dance, Mom.”

I was in the middle of work. I had drawn out my imaginary office walls and told my younger two that I would be working.  But now Annalise came into my bedroom asking me to watch her dance steps.

“Ok, just for a minute. I have to work,” I replied. With a smile, she counted out her jazz steps, her arms outstretched and slightly crooked at the elbows.

“Nice,” I said with a stiff smile. “Good job, Annalise. Now, remember, I’m trying to get my work done.”  She turned and scampered out of the room and I fixed my attention back to the laptop.

Just a few clicks later and she was back. In my peripheral vision, I could see her practice her split and then her back bend, rising up like an upside down spider from the floor.  Her end-of-day ponytail dangled freely. All of this accompanied by chatter of who could do splits and back bends in her class.

“Mom, can you put on some music so I can dance?” Annalise asked.

“Sure,” I answered.  This will keep her happily busy so I can work, I thought.

But only a few minutes in and she wanted my audience again. “Mom, will you watch my dance?”

Every instinct in me wanted to tell her I had already given her my time that day. I had schooled her that morning, I had listened to her read, I had made and cleaned up lunch and now, I needed to work.  I was so relieved to finally be able to sit down and tick down the list nagging at my attention all morning.

But Annalise was also needy for attention. Not schooling attention. Not handing her lunch attention.

Watching her dance attention.

I put my laptop aside, leaned back  and watched as she choreographed her dance.

How many more dances would she perform just for me? The weeks and years blur past and this sweet season would too.

Work is important, that’s for sure. But I’ve needed balance in putting down the phone, logging off the computer, saying no to that volunteer work and being present in the moments of life.  Last week I read Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford and this nailed it:

“Being responsible for someone’s childhood is a big deal. We not only create our own memories, but we create our child’s memories.”

This thought is exactly and precisely what drove me to focus on intentionally {re}building a full life for our family, with traditions and joy and laughter.

Hands-Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters is Rachel Stafford’s personal journey when she found herself over-extended with no-margin days an constant phone notifications and her two little girls who were getting the leftovers.

I was worried the book would just make me feel guilty. Actually, it was graceful encouragement to rearrange life to live alongside technology rather than underneath it.

Life’s Sunset Moments are glorious, rejuvenating, and gratifying to behold – but when I’m caught up in daily distractions, they are so carelessly missed. If I just pretend to watch, I will miss them. If my hands are too busy doing other things, I will miss them. If my body is present, but my mind is not, I will miss them. If I hold on to distraction tighter than I grasp what really matters, I will miss Sunset Moments time and time again.

As a mom who’s already graduated three of my seven children, this hits home. My 10th grader grew 6 inches last year alone – from boy to young man as I blinked. I do not want these days to blur past in preoccupation. I want to capture Sunset Moments together. I don’t just want them to dance. I want to watch it with them.

P.S. Rachel Macy Stafford followed her bestseller with this new book: Hands Free Life: 9 Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better and Loving More

This is Day 13 of the 31 Days to {re}building family series. For the entire series, click here.  

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