It’s February 15.
I made it. Maybe you did too.
I was not prepared for how hard Valentine’s Day would hit. But scrolling through my news feed yesterday was painful.
My emotions were set to an all-day spin cycle with a mix of reminiscing and remembering, missing and wishing.
I signed onto Facebook early in the morning to send a few messages and instead got distracted by all the Valentine updates. Status after glowing status of friends and family happily coupled, framed by Valentine hearts and “I Love Us.”
Pictures of flowers sent, notes written, dinners out, jewelry given. Words about why she’d pick him all over again and why she’s still the one.
True, I probably should have shut off all social media for the day but even Publix made it hard to ignore that everyone seems to have someone on Valentine’s Day.
I made a quick run into the store for two things. Now, Tuesday afternoons at Publix are usually slow days of moms with buggies of kids, running in for afterschool treats or before-dinner needs.
Not yesterday. The store was buzzing with a steady stream of men shopping the flowers and chocolates.
The card aisle – usually the one quiet lane good for a quick cut-through to the back of the store — was aflame in pink and red and lined with men hunting up that perfect card.
Oh February 14, you mess with me.
Thing is, I don’t want to do away with Valentine’s Day.
I would actually be the first to cheer for marriage and for friends and family who’ve done the hard work of staying married. Marriage should be celebrated.
I know what hard work marriage takes.
It’s dying daily to self.
It’s fanning embers of a once-fiery love in between night feedings and broken dishwashers.
It’s saying I’m sorry a thousand times and accepting I’m sorry another thousand.
It’s being committed to commitment when emotions would undo everything.
It’s allowing love to bend and widen, to soften yet harden, to flex and yet bind.
Only in the ache of loss did I realize how each ordinary, fearful, hard, hilarious, beautiful moment can stitch two into one.
I am not jealous OF marriage. I’m jealous FOR marriage.
And so while that spin cycle has me remembering what I no longer have, I find myself smiling over pictures of those who do have it. Missing mine but happy for theirs.
So go ahead and post your wedding day throwbacks and anniversary tributes. Please gush over each other.
You have so much to celebrate. Because you made it too.
February 14? You mess with me. But I wouldn’t change you.
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Thank you for this lovely post. I too am a widow and celebrate marriage. Though I had a wonderful day with my 5 year old and enjoyed chocolate with him. Valentine’s Day is not without challenges. God bless you for your honesty in expressing challenges faced.
Deneen, I’m so sorry for your loss. It is sweet to make that day special for our kids … but there is that unfilled hole in our heart as well.
Lisa, Thank you so much for sharing your heart. So often your eloquent post echo my feelings and this is certainly one of them. I’m so thankful for you sweet friend!
I prayed throughout the day for our tribe of single moms and widows. You have my heart. <3
It was a bittersweet day here in our home, as well. Missing a special man that we were blessed to share life with. Thank you for your post.
I’m so sorry, Linda. <3 <3 <3
Yup…. another tough day . Mine was betrayal and divorce.
It’s a painful day… but I chose to celebrste with other single gals and tried to make them feel special.
I saw lots of ‘ Galentine’ wishes…
Just tried to remember giving love.
Your words are always so perfect and come from the heart.
I hope next year your Valentine’s Day is a little easier.
Thank you Lisa for sharing 💔And God Bless
I’m so sorry, Deborah. I think helping others on these hard days is huge!
My husband died January 27…so a day celebrating love was difficult for me but I made it. I even went to a wedding of friends and celebrated their love. I miss my husband so much and even though I know people mean well, I wish they would stop asking how I am! Thank you for your comforting words.
Sandra, I’m so sorry. Praying for you now.
I spent the day with my 3 precious sons. Had to make a trip out of state for the day which kept me off of social media and out of stores. I had such a wonderful day filled with thankfulness. My middle son and I have Lyme disease and it’s been an incredibly hard 2 years. The trip was for a follow up and I prayed for weeks for God to give me the strength to get there and back. My trip could not have been more perfect and in that I realized how much God has stepped in and become the one who takes care of us in place of the husband who is now gone. I continue to seek Him in each and every day letting Him guide my steps, even in those really tough days and the peace He’s given me is indescribable.
What a great report, Gina. Gratitude helps so much!
I love you Lisa and still pray for you! ❤
Love you back, sweet friend. <3
My mother was a widow for 39 years before she recently succumbed to cancer. She was 75 years young. She was a great example of fidelity to Christ. You might like to know that some of your articles about resignation to untimely death have been helping me through my grieving process. I know how hard it was for her, struggling through the hardships of rearing four children alone while feeling left out as happy couples all around celebrated Valentine’s Day. And as for me? I’m married to the same man for 22 years a man who went against the trends of his time and family to marry a foreign Christian woman. But he doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, nor birthdays. It doesn’t matter. Not that I wouldn’t love it, but I know he loves me. Every day is a struggle, but we get through. God is good. Don’t feel left out, my friend. God is by your side as He was by my mother’s. Widows and orphans are special to him.
::tears:: Maria. What a precious tribute to your mom and what sweet encouragement. xoxo
Bless each if you ladies and my prayers go up for all of you. My husband actually died-twice. First time was during a cardiac Cath procedure. Needless to say it was horrible. He was without oxygen so long that he ended up being like an infant to care for. That was after 3 weeks on life support and 3 1/2 months in the hospital. I was so blessed to be able to have him for another 5 1/2 years. Thing is, we were only married for 3 1/2 months when it happened. Many of our friends told me I should put him in a nursing home and get on with my life. I know they meant well, but I married my husband because I loved him. No way I could do that. He was unable to ever have any type of memory or do many things, but I had him. He did not know who I was, but I knew who he was. So God gave me more time with him, albeit, not as before. But nonetheless, I still had my husband. God bless each of you sweet ladies.
Such a beautiful commitment Sherry. What a hard loss — blessings to you as well.
Thank your for this post. I’m a widow who lost my hubby 5 years ago and it’s still hard. I’m surprised that it still gets to me after all this time. Should this still hurt?
NP, I’m at the same stage. I’ve found that grief isn’t linear. Some days/periods seem like a return to normal, but then some days it hits hard. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Such a beautiful post, Lisa. I love this and I love you. 🙂 I’m sorry for what you lost.
❤
Lisa, as usual you soar with the eagles and bring me to tears. I pray for fullness and joy for your life. May God fill those empty spaces in your heart with exceedingly precious unexplainable love and joy. I love you friend!❤️
Thank you for walking with us, Peggy.
Lisa,
My husband passed away on August 27, 2016. He had brain cancer. We had been married 5 years. This was a second marriage for both of us, both suffered a great loss in our first marriages. This was supposed to be God’s second chance for life. The first 2.5 years was the most amazing whirl wind romance, the second 2.5 years filled with brain cancer, treatments and the most amazing love possible.
I have been waiting since August for his plaque to be installed on his crypt. I just wanted to honor him, his life and memory with flowers. Simple request, huh?! Well it finally arrived and was installed. When? Monday, the day before Valentines Day. The day he would have sent me flowers, I went to put them on his grave. As I questioned God as to how much more would He expect of me, He spoke… clearly….
” It is not how much I expect, but how much I will enable you”
That word, that lesson, that promise is by far the best Valentines gift I have received and from the one who loves me most.
Thank you for being faithful.
Karen, what a precious lesson so timely given. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing here.
Wow! What you have shared here, Lisa, and the comment posts from other precious women have moved me. It is good to acknowledge that marriage is work and all that it involves – your list. It also brings back memories of the hard work my parents put into their own marriage. They were married, not without struggles, for 42 years when my dad died. Thanks for the reminders. May God continue to bless you and all these folks richly!
Then you, Cindy. Xo
Thank you for this lovely post – and the huge sentiment behind it.
My relationship isn’t perfect, but we’ve decided to work on it.
So while Valentine’s day was not all hearts and flowers, I was thankful that the Lord brought love back into my life – however imperfect it is…x
What an amazing heart you have, Lisa! And how blessed! Thank you for using that blessing to reach above the pain of loss to celebrate others. You inspire me to look up and out, rather than in, and let that witness show how our Lord tenderly carries us when we hurt too much to walk.
Lisa- so sorry for your loss! I hope you were able to feel extra love from our Father!
#HeartEncouragement
Beautiful grace pours from your words, friend. It’s such a testament to God at the very core of you – because I don’t think we’d hold it against you if you pitched a fit and threw your fist in the air. But you trust God – and that’s real love. xoxo
It is comforting to read and know there are actual people out there who struggle as I have. My reasons may be different than yours, but like you, I celebrate marriage, though days like Vday sure do mess with me also. And I too made the mistake of going to Publix and never saw so many men in there in my life on Tuesday! LOL And yet God showers us daily, every morning, with new mercies, fresh mercies, colorful mercies, beautifully arranged specifically for each of us each day. A bouquet of grace is ours if we would just look up. May He be the Lifter of our heads and help us see Him when the enemy and the world wants to convince us on days like Tuesday that we are not loved. Thank you for sharing. You remind me we are not alone. And our sufferings are not uncommon. Your perspective blesses me.