My hat is off to you.
I wish we could sit down together over a long cup of coffee and remind each other that it’s going to be okay. That we will be okay and that God is bringing us through.
Some days when I’m bone weary, I think about you — laboring well after everyone’s in bed.
I think about you making hundreds of decisions by yourself.
And facing daily new that you never expected and surely never wanted.
I think about you figuring out a hundred things that he used to do or letting it go because it’s just too hard to figure out.
I think about you anesthetizing lonely evenings with the mindless screen, willing yourself to cheer the anniversaries of friends, the happy-birthday-to-my-best-friend-who-completes-me pictures, the snapshots of boys hunting and father-daughter dances your own will never see again.
That heaviness you carry? You’ve gotten used to it.
You’ve gotten used to knots in your neck and thoughts that can’t be switched off, swirling between the must-do’s of today and the what if’s of tomorrow.
And while you smile to everyone else and put a brave face on mothering, I see the heaviness that’s always with you. God sees it.
Sometimes you make it look easy to everyone else. Like you’ve embraced a new normal. But it doesn’t feel normal, no matter how you try to set new routines and rhythms.
And you don’t really share it because who in the world could you share all of it with? You’re the only one who knows the full breadth of all the hard. And then, too, better to shield the ones you love from the gritty hard.
I don’t have to know your details to know it’s the hardest path you’ve ever walked.
Consider this my warmest Atta Girl, from one who gets the challenges and wins, the feelings of constant failure and the pain that threatens to paralyze.
Consider this a huge, virtual hug. Not the sideways sort of hug but the lean-on-me kind that lingers long and lets the hot tears fall and shares the weight of what you carry.
All those years I was married, I’d known single moms and I’d heard the stats about single moms. But I really had no idea.
Overwhelmed isn’t a season for single moms; it’s the rhythm of her days.
Overwhelmed emotionally, overwhelmed with finances, overwhelmed with parenting kids who are grieving, overwhelmed with decisions and leaky air conditioners and countless tasks that need attention.
Overwhelmed trying to re-create that magical family life you had and so desperately want again for your children.
I know most days you’ve had to grow more spine than you ever thought possible. People call you brave. A testimony.
But you never asked for this testimony.
And you don’t feel brave.
You’ve simply walked forward feeling fragile.
I know single parenting has brought you to your knees. It was hard enough when there were two and but now you’re a student all over again begging God for wisdom to parent these kids — and teens and grown children — alone.
And the labels stink. Widowed. Divorced. Who knew so many papers and forms defined you? A reminder with every check mark of the death and brokenness that forever changed life as you knew it.
A forever reminder that you need to figure out who you are this side of marriage.
Single mama, you are seen and you are loved.
God has so much for you. He is not a God of surviving or getting by. He is a God of abundance.
God promises strength to the weary and generous wisdom if we ask.
He promises to heal the broken, to turn weeping to dancing and mourning to joy.
God promises that if we wait on him, we WILL see goodness in the land of the living.
And that like streams in the Negev, those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.
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Lisa,
Very well said. You encourage my heart. And yes, sweet friend, every word of every promise is true and YES in the LORD JESUS.
You’re walking it Vicky. xoxo to you!
Lisa, I am so glad you have begun blogging. I look forward to reading and learning from you and sharing with my friends. Love you, friend!
So much to learn still! Like how to change the time of your comment. ?? 🙂 Thank you Rhonda for being such a picture of generosity in your time, friendships, knowledge, resources.
Lisa,
So glad you are able to put it into words…healing words for you and so many others. I’m excited about your new adventure of writing and look forward to reading more!
Thank you Rene. Time softens, God heals for sure.
Ahhhh! Lisa – Thank you for sharing and being so real!!! You are an awesome writer and have much wisdom and truth to share!! Excited to see how God is going to use your writing to bless both you and many others !!!!
Thank you for your sweet encouragement to push go, Michelle!
Awesome post. So glad you are sharing your heart.
Thank you Gina. You’ve walked it with me. <3
Lisa,
You continue to amaze me with your strength and now putting into words. I enjoyed reading and look forward to more! Never doubt that you are not only an inspiration to those that immediately surround you but those afar also. Nancy Jo
Nancy ~ sweet, kind words. Thank you for your encouragement!
Love this Lisa. Great encouragement to single moms, and conviction for me to reach out and help those in my life going through these struggles.
Thank you Marcie!
So beautifully stated, Lisa. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. pax, amanda
Thank you Amanda. Good to connect with you on fb. 🙂
Thank you, sweet Lisa, for being transparent and thus very encouraging. I testify with you that God is the mender of broken hearts but being alone, as I am, is altogether different than still being in the process of parenting. I pray that as you blog, God will speak through you to help many, many who grieve as they have the tremendous responsibility of parenting.
Yes, Janice, you have beautifully walked out allowing God to mend. Thank you!
Oh sweet friend, this touched my heart so. What a blessing you are. Thank you for sharing. I must say this perspective is fresh & needed. I know God’s going to touch many with this blog. I’m praying for all of you. I love that I get to see some of what’s happening with you through FB! Much love to you.
Thank you Sebrina! Good to hear from you and I enjoy seeing your family on fb as well. I so appreciate that site for keeping up with friends far(ish) away!
Lisa, you radiate Jesus and what an encouragement you are to other sweet ladies going through the same struggles. Tears after reading what you’ve shared from your heart……prayers for you and your precious family!
Thank you Amy! God is good and I’m so grateful for how He reveals Himself in the valley.
Dear Lisa,
Thank you so much for the inspiring words and feelings shared on your blog. As my weeks come to an end over here in Brazil with my widow sister I have to say you truly described what is so true about her journey as well. Thank you for your words of wisdom when I asked you before I left a way to bless her during my time here. It is truly a blessing to be here with her and be able to carry some of her overwhelming days and also to be able to sit by her side and share moments of laughter and joyful memories. I wish we could translate your blog to Portuguese so my sister could be bless by your words
. If you are interested to do that let me know. Love you and admire you 🙂
Wow, Paula. I know she loves having you there. What a sister to prepare beforehand how to most help your sister. You are welcome to translate it to Portuguese! I’m not sure how I could do that in writing? Love your heart.
Thank you for sharing, Lisa. Although I don’t see you very often, I have you and your precious kids in my thoughts and prayers!!!
Thank you Marcia!
Dear Lisa,
This was eloquent yet ripe with honest truth that needs to be shared. Thank you for being brave enough to do that. To remind others of where you are, not crying …not complaining.. but openly admitting where you are at. We all need to be willing to listen when someone is speaking, especially when it is revealing a part of their heart.
I am not a single momma, though I have at times felt like one… I know it is not the same. I do understand the gut wrenching feeling you are explaining because I have a chronically ill child whose life sometimes gets put on hold and therefore we all get put on hold, just waiting and unsure of what step to take next.
Your words touched my heart today, thank you. Praying for you to see hope in the next step and for God’s grace be a haven to shelter you in each day.
Blessings,
Dawn
Thank you Dawn for your words and for stopping by. God has been faithful to us. Always. I’m sure that you have seen that again and again in raising your child and children. Many blessings to you today! Lisa
I, too, appreciate greatly your authenticity here. I am so sorry for your loss and the hard road you are traveling, but I am grateful for how you show us that God has been faithful to you in many ways. I’d love for you to consider writing for SDG Connections. Your voice, your willingness to be open and honest, and the hope you leave us is such an amazing fit for SDG. You can read more details here and contact me if you’re interested. http://www.solideogloriasisterhood.com/connections-contributor-guidelines/
Thank you Jen! I will read through your guidelines and be in contact with you. I appreciate you stopping by and your kind words of encouragement!
Beautifully written. As a former single mother of two boys, I understand your heart and send you hugs. It can sometimes be so hard to keep your spirits up. I love that you ended this with hope because there is always hope in Christ! I pray that your heart will be full of happiness and peace on this part of your life journey.
Thank you Ashley! Yes, thanking God for His sure hope.
I understand all you are saying as I have been a widow with 10 children for 7 years. Everyday is hard and it has been difficult as he was abusive to me and my children. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Just now reading this in 2016 but thank you for sharing. My husband was away a lot (military life) and now he drives over the road as a trucker. I resonated with some of this, and was thankful you encouraged us. I didn’t realize your story until I kept reading. Again, thanks for being so open and letting God touch others through your words. God bless you!!!!
I know that God is ever faithful, he has brought you through such hardship. God is so good. Thank you for sharing to uplift and encourage each and every woman of God.
He is faithful, Virginia.
Hi Lisa. I relate to all you say. I have been a widow for 7 years and I have 10 children. My husband had a stroke and was gone 6 weeks later. It has been a hard lonely wearisome road but God has taken me and my children through it all. I live day by day trusting completely in Him. He is my husband my best friend my confident my comforter my everything. There have been days when I had no food or gas for my car but God has always come through. He has a special love for widows snd their children snd protects them. I love reading your column. It is an encouragement to me. Keep your eyes on him and walk in his strength my dear sister he will take you through and then you will be an encouragement to other women like you. God bless
Elizabeth Jones