if all things work together, where’s the good?

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

This verse is an old standby. It’s the one quoted to friends when they are going through a hard time. It’s the one we say to ourselves, convincing ourselves that it will turn out okay. Better than okay – it will turn out good.

From the earliest days after Dan died, I prayed that God would help me see the good. I wanted to be 15 years out, to know that God had brought us through and that everything had turned out okay.

When I read books on grief and books about widows or children who had lost parents, I turned to the last chapter first. I wanted to see whether they had made it. Had she remarried? Had the children grown up okay, emotionally stable and happy?

My conception of the good has always been a beautiful ending that only God could bring about. An amazing outcome.

Three years into this and I no longer think the Romans 8:28 good is a beautiful ending to our story. I don’t think the good is rooted in an outcome or ending.

It’s rooted in my heart. The good that God works is right in my heart.

In the last 3 years, I’ve seen more of God, felt more of His cloaking presence, seen more of His hand as He has gone before me in situations and provided and guided very practically and personally. I’ve been more aware of my sinfulness, of my desperate need for Him and the hope that all of this life hangs on than in all my previous years walking with Him combined.

I would never in a thousand years have wished to be without Dan. I would give anything to have him back and for my kids to have their dad back.  We will forever live with a hole in our hearts and I constantly ask God to heal my children.

But, I would not want to go back to the girl I was before June 17.  What I used to teach, I now know more fully than I ever did. What I used to read about, I now have.  God has given me an intimacy with Him that I would not trade.

That is the good.  It’s not an amazing, happy ending or a bringing together of beautiful circumstances. The good is that in the midst of our broken and shattered lives, God brings us into intimate fellowship with Him.

I hear that echoed from other friends as well. Friends who have suffered difficult miscarriages or long years of waiting for a baby or an unwanted divorce. In the pain, God has revealed Himself and brought them into a relationship that they would not give back.

As we offer up our broken lives to Him, He slowly, slowly makes us more like Christ. God does promise joy, yes, and He absolutely can bring about amazing endings. But God doesn’t guarantee a good outcome.  He’s not after orchestrating the events of our life to be that happy ending with a slow fade riding into the sunset.

He’s after making us like Christ. (Verse 8:29 tells us that.)

None of us wants a trial or suffering. We tiptoe through our days hoping to avoid any kind of painful event. But when pain comes, God can bring us into fellowship with Him in a way that we would never experience on the comfortable, easy days.  And regardless of whether our outcome is  okay or happy or beautiful, we are okay because of all  that God does within us as He makes us like Christ.

Day 9 of the 31 days to {re}building family series. You can see the rest of the series here or subscribe at the top of the page to follow along.

Image made partly with graphics by the talented Designs by Miss Mandee.