When my husband died suddenly on Father’s Day weekend, the day went from a happy celebration to a painful milestone for my children. I can’t fix their hurt and that somehow multiplies my own pain. But I’ve learned to be intentional to make it a meaningful day while also giving my kids space to grieve.
If your children are facing a hard Father’s Day this year because of death or divorce or a dad who just hasn’t shown up for his family as he should, I’m sharing 10 ways grieving can children navigate Father’s Day.
1.Make a new memory at an old place.
Last year, my kids and I went to an old restaurant where their dad and I had our second date. The food took a long time to arrive, which was perfect because we had more time to talk. We walked along the riverbank outside, pitched rocks across the water, and just enjoyed the family we do have. This intentional time together filled our hearts on a day that could have emptied them.
2. Be extra considerate of Father’s Day events at school and church.
My heart dropped one Father’s Day when I picked up my youngest children from their preschool classes at church and discovered they had made Father’s Day cards. My children had made it for their grandfather, which I’m sure a kind teacher had suggested, but it felt like salt in their already wounded hearts.
These Father’s Day events (hello, daddy-daughter dance) can be harsh reminders for our children. After that Sunday, I decided to skip Sunday school on Father’s Day so my kids weren’t forced to do painful activities. We take that day to make our own memories.
3. Plan a meaningful family outing.
Your children may not have an earthly father with them on Father’s Day, but you’re still a family. Take the day for a family outing that gives everyone time to talk, enjoy one another, and reinforce your relationships as a family. This is a great opportunity to include your children on the plans so they feel they have some control over a day that’s hard.
4. Listen to your child’s heart.
Ignoring Father’s Day won’t make the pain disappear and it doesn’t give our children tools to handle their grief. I try to note the pain this day brings but not get stuck in it. Asking your kids some gentle questions gives them permission to express their feelings–or not. Make space for grief, show compassion as they respond, and answer any questions they may have.
5. Tell stories about Dad.
This is one of my favorite ways to honor a father who’s in heaven. Telling stories about how I met their dad, what he was like in high school and college, stories of him before they were born or as they grew helps them know the great man he was. Telling our children stories about their dad helps them know who they are, whose they are, and continues a legacy for them.
6. Visit the gravesite.
On Father’s Day, we often make a day trip to visit my late husband’s gravesite. It’s a beautiful trip into the backroads of Florida and a way to honor him while allowing them space to grieve. When my children were younger, it was important to talk about what happens to us after death and to explain about heaven. As my children have grown, I’ve noticed they become quiet, will often take a walk in the area alone, and have time to process their deep loss.
7. Give them something to remember their dad.
Father’s Day would be a great time to give children a tangible way to remember and honor their dad. Here are a few of my favorite memorial gifts for grieving children.
- Plant a butterfly garden in memory of dad.
- A custom teddy bear made from one of dad’s shirts
- A memorial journal to write Letters to My Dad
- A special memorial bracelet for girls to remember their daddy
- A personalized frame with a picture of their dad
8. Look through photo albums and watch family movies.
Going through photo albums and old family videos is a great way to bring back warm memories. It may prompt fun stories and help your child celebrate their dad. Photos and videos are also a gentle way to open a conversation with children who may be reluctant to answer questions or speak about their grief otherwise.
9. Help your children lean on their heavenly Father.
Even with meaningful activities, our children will feel the sting of not having their earthly father on Father’s Day. It’s an opportunity to teach them to turn to lean on their heavenly Father. God promises that he is a “father to the fatherless.” (Psalm 68:5) In my own life, I’ve found God’s promises are personal and practical. While we’d never choose this pain for our children, they can know God’s love and faithfulness in ways they wouldn’t otherwise.
10. Honor other men in your child’s life.
Do your children have an uncle, grandfather, or stepfather who has been like a father in many ways? While it will never erase our children’s loss of their earthly father, we can honor the men who are in our children’s lives. Make sure they know it’s okay to both grieve their earthly dad and celebrate a man they do have in their life.
Father’s Day will always be painful for bereaved children, even as grief softens over time. God promises to be a “father to the fatherless” By being intentional, we can help our children navigate their grief and honor their father.
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