10 Declarations When Grieving at Christmas

Christmas should be filled with anticipation but I’ve been known to heap the holidays with expectation. The first Christmas in deep grief, I tried (and failed) to create a perfect Christmas for my children. Maybe like me you need these 10 declarations when grieving at Christmas.

It all began because I dearly wanted to see my children’s eyes light up as they opened presents that first Christmas morning after Dan’s death. But what should have been a peace-filled holiday ended up stress-filled as I worked to create a magical Christmas that might cover their pain.

My 16-year-old son had asked for a shotgun. In Christmases past, my husband would have bought it but that task now fell to me. And I was clueless about shotguns.

I invested hours of shopping, researching, and querying my friends’ husbands to find the right shotgun in my price range. I was just about ready to buy when I overheard my son—who had no idea of the legwork I’d done for his present—say he’d love a new fishing pole. A fishing pole?

There I was, two days before Christmas, in a frenzy of baking, cleaning, and researching all things fishing poles to pull off the Best Christmas Ever. That day didn’t end well. When another son questioned why I was still scurrying to get presents on December 22nd, I imploded into a pile of tears, guilt, and self-pity.

I’m grateful for grace, but I also learned a crucial lesson.

The wonder of Christmas isn’t something we create but Someone we celebrate.

Christmas is captivating not because we have the perfect gifts under the tree or a perfectly completed to-do list, but because we have the perfect Savior who is Jesus.

We can let ourselves off the hook of stressful expectations, especially when we’re already walking through grief at Christmas. Let these 10 declarations help you navigate the holidays when it hurts.

10 Declarations When Grieving at Christmas

1. I will shape a Christmas that focuses on the gift of Jesus rather than react to expectations or pressures of what Christmas should look like. (Matt. 1:21, ESV)

2. I will show my family I love them through my words, activities, and time together this Christmas rather than trying to win their affection through expensive or excessive presents. (1 Cor. 13:7, ESV)

3. I will make space for grief through practices that fit our family and allow my family grace for how they walk through grief. (2 Cor. 1:5, ESV)

4. I will let go of traditions this year that are too painful or too burdensome knowing we can fold them back in to future holidays if wanted. (Ecc. 3:1, 4, ESV)

5. I will see God’s goodness in the midst of pain this Christmas rather than missing his goodness because I’m focused on Christmases past or Christmas as it might have been. (Psalm 145:9, ESV)

6. I will give myself permission to grieve what has been lost while at the same time embracing the blessings I have now. (2 Cor. 1:3-4, ESV)

7. I will navigate loneliness by looking for small ways to bless others through the season, rather than self-medicating with unhealthy habits. (Prov. 11:25, ESV)

8. I will say yes to the holiday party invitation even if it feels awkward and also allow myself to stay home if grief is too painful that day. (Psalm 126:5-6, ESV)

9. I will let others off the hook of expecting them to make my Christmas special or understanding all my emotions and let grace help us move forward together. (Eph. 4:32, ESV)

10. I will let Jesus continue to guide me through this valley and bind up wounds knowing his birth, death, and resurrection mean I can grieve with hope. (1 Thess. 4:13, ESV)