Coping with grief in your cancer journey is part of processing and healing spiritually and emotionally just as you work toward healing physically. Today, Fern Buszowski, a retired counselor and pastor of counseling, joins Hope in Grief to share four ways to cope with cancer grief.
A cancer journey brings many deep losses to our body, soul, and spirit leaving us with a type of grief like none other.
Cancer grief ushers in unexpected changes that offer us a choice. We can avoid accepting the reality of these losses and get stuck or accept them, adapt, embrace hope, and uncover new ways of living with cancer’s limitations and loss.
My cancer grief stemmed from a journey with oral cancer. It included an 8-hr major surgery to remove the tumor and reconstruct my tongue, a long hospital stay, and 30 rounds of radiation treatment.
The isolation of recovering alone due to hospital pandemic restrictions where no family or visitors were allowed was the most challenging time in my life.
I experienced unwanted emotions of sadness, loss, fear, anxiety, discouragement, dread, and doubt as well as a kind of soul pain I had never experienced before. God was gentle and patient, quietly awaiting to meet me in the darkest places, because He is close to the broken-hearted. (Psalm 34:18, ESV)
Facing cancer can be an exhausting battle. With so much attention given to physical self-care in the early days, we can easily ignore the other areas needing tender loving care. Cancer impacts our body, soul, and spirit and we often experience a type of cancer grief that doesn’t go away once we look or act “normal” again.
As I tried to figure out how to care for my soul and find new ways to cope, I drew upon what had helped me in the past.
4 Ways to Cope with Grief in Cancer
1. Acknowledge the challenges.
Going through any type of cancer is hard and affects each of us differently. Receiving a diagnosis and undergoing surgery or treatment can be traumatic. For some it is a big “T” trauma; for others it is a small “t” trauma that brings unique challenges to every person it touches.
When we acknowledge the difficulty of the journey, process it, and approach God in prayer, expressing our experiences and feelings through lament, while reaching out to others for support, it helps us obtain the encouragement, new insights, and healing we need to sustain us through the difficult days.
When we see our journey as a story written by God that has a beginning, middle, and end it helps us process the experience, make sense of it, and find meaning in it.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4, ESV)
2. Look at cancer grief differently.
God brought new insights in my cancer journey that helped me become curious about the cancer grief rather than resisting or resenting it.
Cancer grief is a thing and it’s normal to grieve traumatic journeys.
Cancer grief stems from the many losses on marriage, employment, family dynamics, relationships, extra-curricular activities, income, schedules, physical functions, marriage relationship, future dreams, and more.
Everyone responds differently to cancer grief—comparisons are not helpful.
Grief requires an outward expression and a safe community who can offer us support.
Intentionally celebrating milestones along our cancer journey and looking for things to be grateful for help us focus on the good happening along the way.
3. Remember gospel truth.
Suffering can get loud and chaotic filling our minds with questions, fears, and doubts. Remembering what we believed before cancer arrived helps us reaffirm what to believe now.
The foundational truths that helped me are:
- We are not alone; God is with us. (Zephaniah 3:17)
- God sees our suffering and has great compassion for us in this journey. He listens and collects our tears. (Psalm 56:8).
- Our identity in Christ has not changed even if our bodies and circumstances have. (Ephesians 2:10)
- We are of value and our identity hasn’t changed because of cancer. We are God’s treasure so we can reject shame messages trying to say otherwise. (Deuteronomy 14:2)
- God’s character doesn’t change. If we believe He was good before cancer struck, He is still good now. (Psalm 28:7).
- It helps our soul to sing praises (Psalm 63:3-4) in times of suffering as well as joy.
4. Develop a rhythm of soul care.
Practicing a rhythm of quiet time with God helps cultivate spiritual resilience for those difficult days.
Soul care can include lament, prayer, and reading scripture as well as reflection and personal application.
Journaling is also helpful and will serve as a future reminder on difficult days when we forget what we have learned.
Finding a safe community also helps our healing by being the hands and feet of Jesus offering compassion, insight, and new meaning and purpose which brings us much hope and belonging.
When we embrace the enduring hope that God’s presence brings during cancer grief, our faith will deepen and help us create new meaning and purpose for our lives.
As you develop helpful practices for coping with grief in your cancer journey, your spiritual resilience will grow and hope will come.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15:13, ESV)
Fern Buszowski, MALM, MA Counseling, is author of Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected. She’s a speaker and thriving cancer survivor. She spent most of her career equipping others to grow, develop, and find hope through counseling, workshops, and training, locally and internationally. She’s passionate about encouraging others to cultivate curiosity, choose hope, seek wholeness, and develop life practices to nurture their soul uncovering all God has for them, sharing at events, podcasts, and most recently on the TV show Legacy Makers. Find Fern at Hope Blooming and on Instagram.
