Yesterday was National Single Parent Day. And this week reminded me in spades of the challenges for the single mom. For one, life has rushed at me full throttle and I’m juggling numerous issues and people and to do’s. Then too, I have some important decisions to make and my thoughts have been tumbling over the options .
For single moms, loneliness is a painful reality, even in a houseful of kids and even with a packed schedule. How do we manage loneliness in a healthy way–without turning to something we’ll later regret? I’m sharing seven ways to battle loneliness as a single mom.
Loneliness has been the challenge that’s often toughest for me in single parenting. After a full day of school, ballet, errands, dinner and baths, when the kids are upstairs asleep or studying, the house grows really quiet and I’m reminded that it’s just me. No one to share the highs and lows of the day or Netflix and chill with.
I appreciate the quiet evenings when I can think my own thoughts and work uninterrupted. But the quiet is also a stark reminder that I’m alone. As much as I want to fix that pain, I don’t want to turn to unhealthy ways to cope. Here are intentional ways to manage loneliness as a single mom.
1. Cultivate deep friendships.
Loneliness happens when there’s no one to share life with – to talk through the questions or the ups and downs of our days. Nourishing deep friendships can curb loneliness as we have people in our life who know us, who get us, and who love us.
2. Temper time on social media.
Spending too much time on social media might distract us from loneliness but it won’t eliminate it and could actually worsen it. The constant barrage of vacation pictures and life celebrations can leave us feeling left out and even more alone. Better to tame the time we spend on social media.
3. Pursue your passions.
Admittedly, it’s tough to find time as a single mom, but carving out time for hobbies and interests can bring deep satisfaction. I found my life could grow around loss as God healed my broken heart and gave me new passions and purpose. Pursuing passions, whether that’s tennis with friends, learning to water color, or serving in ministry, brings joy and eager anticipation into life. It adds color to life that may have felt grayscale for too long. And pursuing your passions will also help you find community.
4. Don’t believe the lies at night.
This one is huge because loneliness and grief are often hardest at night and can quickly escalate to despair. Remind yourself that it won’t always feel like this. If nighttime is a particular struggle, go to bed early and get up with the sun. Mornings bring new morning mercies, clarity, and hope.
5. Secure your self-care.
Good self-care can make all our emotions more manageable, including loneliness. Take advantage of alone time to indulge in a bubble bath with a favorite book or re-watch a favorite chick flick. Here are my go-to, simple ways to practice Biblical self-care.
6. Feed your soul.
Truth is, nothing and no one can satisfy our soul except God. While God has given us family, friends, and church communities, we were made to be satisfied in God alone. When I’ve been at my loneliness in early grief, I had to lean on God’s sustaining grace to get me through. I had to get in God’s Word daily to remind myself that to Bible study and prayer remind us of God’s deep love and promises for us. You can find Bible studies through a church or community Bible study group and warm fellowship through moms’ groups like MOPS or Mom to Mom.
7. Use it for good.
No matter how busy we get or how many friends we have, it’s unlikely we’ll be able to fully eliminate loneliness this side of heaven. That’s true whether you’re single or married. But we can let God use our loneliness for good. Understanding what loneliness feels like can help us become more compassionate. Instead of waiting for someone to reach out to us, we can out to someone else who’s hurting. We can look to serve others who feel an acute sting of loneliness in nursing homes, hospitals, and foster care.
Loneliness in single parenting can be challenging. It can be one more pain point in a life that’s imploded in ways we never saw coming. While we may never eliminate loneliness in the quiet moments, we have healthy ways to manage loneliness and to let God grow us through it.
I wrote a version of this post first published at iMOM.com.
Hey you Lisa I can understand why you feel it difficult to batle lonlyness when you Have kids. Its hard with lonlyness for us all with or with out kids and you do an awesome thing batle the kids all by your own, Bless and Protect you 🙏🏻🙌🏻 and I can give you a Smile when I say that you are an Awesome Strong women. Beutiful and so Adored Lisa you are never alone, the Lord is with you👼🏻
Talk with Him when you feel over worked or just sad.
God Bless you Sister mine 🙏🏻🙌🏻
May the Lord Protect you and provide you with His comfort,
The Spirit wants me to remind of The Word Bibel, Gal 6:10
Thank you, Mattias. I appreciate that verse!
Lisa, loneliness is not just for single moms, people in relationships can be lonely too. I have a friend who was in a horrible abusive marriage and she was terribly lonely. She is not a Christian so unable to take it to God. The suggestions mentioned in the website mentioned work well for both single moms and married moms, both situations can lead to isolation unless we take care of ourselves and trust God to help us remove our loneliness.
Yes, isolation and loneliness aren’t limited to single moms. One more reason why we need to be sensitive because we just don’t always know what’s going on with people.
Heading over to visit soon, Lisa. This topic is near my heart. xoxoxo
Hi
I live in a very small town in kansas. I came here to go to drug treatment and i brought my kids with me because I had nobody to take care of them (dads in and out of jail and still in active addiction) the program was super lonley and i didnt get to do anything cause I had my kids……
15 months clean now and although i have a deeper connection to Christ and im financially independent i still dont have friends. (All the ones i made either moved, are in unhealthy relationships or they relapsed) im not willing to step out of my christianity and shack up with someone im not married to or engaging in anymore premarital sex. 2nd Corinthians 5:17 says “once we are in Christ we are a new creation” i emphasize this. I wont hang out at the dope mans house either because my recovery is precious. What should i do. I have no family here either and my children are 2 and 3. I havent had a break from my kids since 2018. Im hanging on by a thread. Im trying to make finding a husband or the thought of it an idol and embrace the lonley seasons but i feel like ive been in one for 2 years.
Amelia, first praise the skies for the redemptive work He’s doing in you. When I’m hanging by a thread, I tell myself it won’t always be like this. Practically, plugging into a solid church with preschool ministries, or a moms group or Bible study will help you find like-minded friends while letting your kids have some time in their own classes. I pray that helps.