Kimberly Joy is an online friend who shares daily devotions out of the overflow of her life with three energetic, growing (now grown boys). A fellow single mom, Kimberly shares today about finding healing in Jesus after divorce.
I vividly remember the last day I wore my wedding rings. It was Sunday, August 31, 2014. It was the day my 16-year marriage, life, home, and heart shattered.
I had tried desperately to save my marriage. After discovering heart-breaking issues, I begged God to intervene and keep our family together. I prayed and pleaded, sobbing every night in the shower where no one could hear me. I endured years of difficulty in the broken relationship, praying for change.
Change didn’t come, and that Sunday evening I discovered things I wished had never happened. Things that meant there was no going back, no salvaging this marriage. Although I never wanted to be divorced, I had no other choice.
The events of the day were so traumatic that one of my closest friends wisely suggested my boys and I sleep at her house. Numb with pain, I agreed.
I stood in my bedroom, unable to think clearly enough to pack an overnight bag. Gently, she listed the items I would need. Pajamas, socks, clothes for the morning. Brush and comb, deodorant, shoes.
I packed the bag, then paused before leaving my bedroom—the bedroom I would never again share with my husband. Opening my jewelry box, I slipped off my rings and placed them inside.
They would never grace my finger again.
In that moment, I felt like part of my identity had been stripped away. In time, “Mrs.” would no longer be my title. I would have to check the “divorced” box when filing out papers at the bank or doctor’s office. I would have to explain why I lost my ministries, and why my boys and I moved thousands of miles from our home in Australia back to my native United States.
In the weeks that followed, I confessed to my friend how strange my ring finger felt. Bare and barren, I felt like I was glancing down at a stranger’s hand. My sweet friend decided to do something about it.
Shortly before my sons and I moved back to America, she planned an overnight trip for the two of us on the gorgeous Australian coast. She booked a motel near the beach and took me to a beautiful restaurant overlooking the water. Then she took me shopping for new rings.
No, they weren’t expensive, fancy rings like my golden wedding band and sparkling engagement ring. They were simple—one silver with a tiny heart, the other a small band of blue and silver entwined. Nothing extravagant, but oh, so meaningful to me. The ring finger on my left hand was still bare, but the two new rings represented love, friendship, and loyalty.
Those bands of blue and silver represented what my heart would learn in time—that things were different now, but the stark differences didn’t mean my life was over. My friend, if you are traveling this deeply painful road of divorce, I want to share three things that God has taught me on this journey.
Three ways Jesus helps heal after divorce
First, even though I lost part of my identity, I was still loved, valued, and cherished by God.
Though human love may betray and fail us, God’s love envelopes, surrounds, comforts, and strengthens us. It is who we are in Jesus that defines us, not what box we check for marital status. “The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” (Jeremiah 31:3, KJV)
Second, there was still joy and purpose in life.
I often say, “Divorce is not a death sentence.” Yes, in the beginning it may feel like it is. However, there is hope and healing to be found in Jesus. Life is not over, and God still has good plans for our lives. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5, KJV)
Third, God would bring an abundance of beauty from the ashes of my marriage.
God specializes in bringing joy from sorrow, good from evil, and beauty from ashes. Keep trusting that He is powerful enough to turn evil into good in your life. “To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” (Isaiah 61:3, KJV)
My friend, there are times when life strips away the identity we cling to. In those times, remember who you are in Jesus. You are the daughter God is proud to call His own, the woman He created to be with Him, the one Jesus gave His very lifeblood to save.
You are loved far beyond what you could ever comprehend. In Psalm 139:17-18, we learn that God’s thoughts about us are so vast that we could never count them. “How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.”
No matter who this world says you are—abandoned, betrayed, broken, or divorced—it is who you are in Jesus that matters.
Just as my sweet friend replaced rings of betrayal with rings of love and loyalty, so Jesus takes your old identity and replaces it with what He calls you.
Loved, cherished, and wanted.
Kimberly Joy served in overseas ministries for sixteen years before the tragic loss of her marriage. She now lives in the Missouri Ozarks and seeks to comfort other women who are experiencing loss, as she writes and speaks at women’s events. Kimberly Joy has four books available on Amazon and writes daily encouragement on Facebook and Instagram @KimberlyJoyAuthor. You can find out more information by signing up for her newsletter here.
