Navigating Compound Grief of Loss After Loss

For the past 18 months, I’ve watched my friend and fellow writer Kristine Brown endure back-to-back grief. How do we survive multiple losses? Gleaning lessons from Naomi, Kristine shows us how to navigate the compound grief of loss after loss.

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It had been a year since our daughter passed away. A year of navigating grief through heartbreaking loss. Realizing we needed to get away and spend some time together, we made plans for a nice vacation. We filled our agenda with activities we could all enjoy, along with plenty of relaxation. We hoped this trip would provide what we needed—time to smile, rest, and possibly even feel a little less empty than we had over the past year.

The trip, although deeply emotional, turned out to be a beautiful chance to connect. Our memories left us hopeful that maybe, just maybe, things were looking up in our world. Then, a nagging pain in my hip led to a doctor’s visit to find out what was causing the problem.

I never expected to hear the word “cancer” again. I feared what this new diagnosis would mean. Would I lose my health? My independence? It seemed we barely had time to breathe before the next loss threatened.

A death in the family, followed by a second cancer diagnosis. Followed by another family member battling cancer for months and passing into the arms of Jesus while we struggled with the reality of this season. I longed for a reprieve and questioned if we would ever make it out of the valley we were trudging through.

Because of my faith, I knew God was with me. But in my despair, I struggled to keep that faith from fading.

When Loss Compounds in Our Lives

Loss leaves behind a void in our hearts. And when one loss happens after another, the voids can form a chasm of pain, longing for relief.

Maybe you’ve been there, when one loss adds to the next and you wonder how much a person can possibly take. You know in your heart God will never leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:8) But it’s hard to hold on to faith when the loss compounds.

A woman in the Bible knew how it felt to walk through multiple heartbreaking losses. Her name is Naomi. After moving away from her homeland, leaving everything she knew, Naomi’s husband and two sons died. The three most important people in her life—her whole world.

In the midst of her grief, Naomi returned home emptied of any joy she once had or hope for her future. Naomi’s words to her friends as she arrived back in Bethlehem-Judah revealed the posture of her hollow heart, “I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth 1:21, ESV)

Yet even in her emptiness, Naomi knew deep down where to turn for help. Her story doesn’t end in desolation, but in the blessed assurance of a God who promises to refill and restore every void.

Lessons from Naomi about Compound Loss

1. Even a small seed of faith will keep our hearts turned toward God.

When it seemed things couldn’t get any worse and Naomi made the decision to go back home, she urged her daughters-in-law to stay in Moab. As we read their conversation, we might think Naomi had no faith left: “… No, my daughters, for it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me.” (Ruth 1:13b)

But in her darkest moment, Naomi heard that God provided crops for his people in Bethlehem-Judah. Based on that newfound knowledge, Naomi acted on the tiny seed of faith she had. She chose to make the treacherous journey home. Hope awaited her return.

In the midst of our grief, we may struggle to find a bucketful of faith to draw from. In fact, after everything that’s happened, we may feel like we have only a mustard seed-sized faith left. Thankfully, that one small seed of faith is all we need.

“For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20b, ESV)

Naomi demonstrated her faith by trusting God to lead her safely home. Ruth demonstrated her faith by clinging to her mother-in-law. Even seed-sized faith is enough to keep us clinging to God’s goodness through life’s most difficult losses.

2. Recognizing glimpses of God’s faithfulness will help us hold on to his guiding hand through our grief.

Battling cancer a second time raises all sorts of questions about the future. I had many conversations with God about it, and many tears along the way. There were days when I wondered if I’d see our son get married, watch grandchildren grow up, or experience another family vacation. Each time I poured out my heart to God, he met me with exactly what I needed to soothe the emptiness I felt.

God showed me, in big and small ways, that he held me in his hand. (Isaiah 41:10) Some days, God brought circumstances together to meet a specific and timely need. Other times, he sent people to help before I even asked. As I recognized and thanked him for these glimpses of his faithfulness, my own faith grew.

Naomi’s faith grew as well when she began recognizing God at work in her life. She acknowledged the blessing of how Ruth, her daughter-in-law, ended up gleaning for grain in the field of a man named Boaz, “May he be blessed by the Lord, whose kindness has not forsaken the living or the dead!” (Ruth 2:20a, ESV)

Boaz—a redeemer who would prove to be part of God’s great plan to provide for them and restore out of his abundant supply. God has a plan to provide and restore in our lives, too.

As we hold on to our faith in seasons of loss, we can trust our faithful Father to be the sustaining Source our hearts need.