Loss can make us feel untethered. So much changes in grief like familiar routines and rhythms, identities and roles, relationships and the future we’d planned. Hadassah Treu shares how leaning on God in grief is an anchor amid the massive change in life after loss.
In the first days and weeks after I lost my husband, I often had two mental images of myself. One of them was me hanging in the emptiness, completely disentangled and uprooted—nothing to grasp, nothing to lean on, falling into the abyss.
The second image was me drowning, gasping for air, and suffocating under the weight of the unbearable burden that pressed on my chest. Alone.
Were these images truthful reflections of my reality?
They were only to a certain extent. They reflected the agony of my pain, which I couldn’t express in words, but they didn’t reflect the spiritual reality of God’s loving presence in and with me. If I was about to navigate with hope the unpredictable and dangerous grief journey, I needed other mental images reflecting the whole truth.
Life-altering loss and grief swept through me like a hurricane, uprooting my previous life and rocking my faith foundation. I wanted to trust God with my grief, but I felt abandoned and mistreated by him while struggling with the unavoidable “why” questions.
How could I trust him with my loss and unbearable pain, and with the new, unwanted life stretched before me, when he ignored my desperate pleas to save the life of the person I loved most?
What is the pathway to live by faith when loss knocks us down?
On my grief journey, I learned four powerful ways to lean on God in grief.
4 Ways Leaning on God in Grief Anchors Us
1. Lean on God’s willingness to comfort us.
Yes, God stands ready, willing, and longing to comfort and restore us. This is his character, his nature, and his heart. His invisible, everlasting arms wrap around each one of us.
When I saw myself disentangled, it was true in the sense that I was cut off from the person I loved and the ties of security I had with him.
But there was another invisible, strong safety net encompassing me–the eternal, unbreakable cords of God’s ever-present love, never losing his grip on me.
When we choose to trust God’s intention and desire to comfort and help, we can declare the hopeful words with the psalmist: “You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.” (Psalm 71:20-21, ESV)
2. Lean on God’s ability to comfort us.
God is not only willing but also the One fully capable of comforting us. We need human comfort through loved ones, friends, and relatives, but they can only help us to a certain extent.
Our community can’t reach our deepest parts where the most painful memories lie, and where there are no words to express the pain. There are only groans and contractions of the soul.
But the Holy Spirit can! The Holy Spirit groans, grieves, and mourns with us, and hovers over the darkness of our soul, bringing light and relief.
We can fully lean on God with our grief because we can fully trust the ultimate grief expert–our Lord Jesus Christ, “a man of sorrow and acquainted with grief.” Isaiah goes on to say that Jesus “has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” (Isaiah 53:3-4, ESV)
3. Lean on God’s immovable, constant presence
Even if we wanted to, we can’t exclude God from our reality. His immovable, constant presence in and with us gives us reason to trust him with the burden of our grief and uncertainties of the grief journey.
God’s presence is and always will be the source of everything we need: strength, hope, wisdom, understanding, comfort, provision, answers, guidance, healing, restoration, miracles, new life, fresh growth, and new blessings.
Because he will never leave us, and since we are sealed by the Holy Spirit, we can entrust him with everything, including our grief.
“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.” (Psalm 139:7-10, ESV)
4. Lean on our union with God
When we pass through the darkness of loss and pain, God is willing and able to comfort. The question becomes, will we let him? We can draw near to him in grief.
Our deep grief is an invitation to a deep union with God. Because “he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him” (1 Corinthians 6:17, ESV).
What does this look like? It means giving the Lord access to our pain, opening the most vulnerable and tender parts of our soul, and learning to be authentic without mask or pretense, knowing we are always and fully loved.
I know I can trust him with my grief because everything mine is his, my loss his loss, my grief his grief.
Hadassah Treu is an award-winning international author of Draw Near: How Painful Experiences Become the Birthplace of Blessings, writer at onthewaybg.com, poet, speaker, and motivator, living in Bulgaria. She encourages people to draw near to God in life’s dark valleys. Hadassah is a contributing author to several faith-based platforms like Koinonia and Devotable, and over 12 devotional and poetry anthologies. She’s been featured in The Upper Room, (in)courage, Proverbs 31 Ministries, Today’s Christian Living, Living by Design Ministries, and other popular sites and podcasts. Connect with her on Facebook.