When chronic illness upends life, there’s more than a physical set of symptoms. It also triggers the emotional and mental fallout of gief. Olivia (Feller) Gerber shares about grieving chronic illness and pain and 7 practices from Lamentations 3 to hold hope.
When I first stumbled into a journey of chronic pain and illness, I associated grief specifically with the loss of life. And while that is one very real form of grief, I’ve come to realize that grief also accompanies other kinds of loss—the loss of health, the loss of normal life, the quiet death of dreams.
If you too find yourself on this journey, there is something we need to recognize in order to handle the spiritual and emotional heaviness of chronic pain and illness with grace:
This is hard.
Nobody told me I wasn’t allowed to grieve. But somewhere along the way, I began to battle the perception that I was wrong to struggle so deeply with my health—that I shouldn’t grieve. Maybe you’ve felt this way too.
Sometimes we assume that emotional struggle signals a lack of trust in God. But in reality, there is a grief that is both natural and biblical. Trials are trying. Just because we believe God will ultimately work things for good does not mean there won’t be hard days on earth. It does not mean we won’t feel the weight of it.
And that’s okay.
That’s when we grieve.
Scripture does not ignore grief—it gives us language for it. Lamentations 3 provides a framework for walking through suffering honestly while anchoring our hope in God.
7 Practices for Grieving Chronic Illness and Pain
1. Recognize What is Lost
“He has made my flesh and my skin waste away; He has broken my bones; He has besieged and enveloped me with bitterness and tribulation; He has made me dwell in darkness like the dead of long ago.” (Lamentations 3:4–6, ESV)
To understand this passage, we must note the context— Jeremiah is lamenting the destruction God sent to Israel as consequence for their disobedience to Him. Yet even in this, we see God’s heart of tenderness toward His child as the author runs to Him in grief.
Unlike Israel, most of us facing chronic pain are not suffering as a consequence for sin, yet the process for grief exemplified in this passage is helpful. First, we must identify what we have lost and the hardships weighing heavy on our hearts. If we don’t know what we are grieving, we won’t be able to move forward.
2. Lament (cry, pour out your heart to God, allow yourself to feel the pain)
“He has made my teeth grind on gravel, and made me cower in ashes; my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, ‘My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.’” (Lamentations 3:16–18, ESV).
Be honest with God. Share the pain and struggle with Him. Trust that He is big enough to carry your fears and hurt—ignoring it will not help. Take the time you need to get real with this step.
3. Remind Yourself of Truth
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.’” (Lamentations 3:21–24, ESV)
Purposefully recall truth and remind yourself of it over and over again.
4. Surrender and Trust God’s Purposes
“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.” (Lamentations 3:25–27, ESV)
Again, the context of this passage helps us understand the language. But in every situation, there is a needed surrender and trust. Although God could take our pain away at any moment, He has not yet chosen to do so. While we live in this broken world, we must choose to trust God and take Him at His word. He does not waste pain. Instead, He weaves it into a story that ultimately is good (Romans 8:28). He doesn’t make mistakes. Trust Him.
5. Hope in God’s Goodness
“For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though He cause grief, He will have compassion according to the abundance of His steadfast love; for He does not afflict from His heart or grieve the children of men.” (Lamentations 3:31–33, ESV)
Look to God’s heart. Hope in His goodness. Ask Him for help when life feels too hard.
6. Examine Your Heart and Confess
“Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord! Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven: We have transgressed and rebelled, and You have not forgiven.” (Lamentations 3:40–42, ESV)
Get really honest with God. Are there ways you are holding back from Him? Sins and wrong desires that have crept into your mind? Has healing become more important to you than the Healer Himself? Even when our suffering is not the result of sin, grief can expose places where our hearts have begun clinging to outcomes rather than surrendered to our merciful Savior. And our compassionate God is ready to forgive us as we confess.
7. Ask
Share your hopes and desires with God. Ask Him to fight for you and redeem your life. But also surrender that He may answer in different ways than you expect.
“My eyes will flow without ceasing, without respite, until the Lord from heaven looks down and sees… I called on Your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit; You heard my plea, ‘Do not close your ear to my cry for help!’ You came near when I called on You; You said, ‘Do not fear!’ You have taken up my cause, O Lord; You have redeemed my life. You have seen the wrong done to me, O Lord; judge my cause.” (Lamentations 3:49–50, 55-59, ESV).
Remember: do not fear. God’s plans are better than ours and are ultimately for His glory and our good. We can trust Him . . . even when our hopes are crushed. Ask the Lord for the courage to keep hoping and trusting and surrendering.
God invites us to pour out our hearts before Him. He promises to be with us every step of the way.
I hope this can be of practical help for you even in the deepest of disappointment and hurt. Please don’t just go on to your day considering reading through this “grief.” True heart change happens when we get alone with God, Bible open, and walk through our pain, believing that God has a redemptive purpose in it all.
“. . . that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13b, ESV).
This article is adapted from Olivia’s book, Hold Hope: Encouragement for Christians with Chronic Pain, available through Phylicia Masonheimer’s Every Woman a Theologian ministry or at www.letterstoholdhope.com.
Olivia (Feller) Gerber is a sunset-chasing, Jesus-loving adventurer based in Northern Indiana. She finds pleasure in perfectly ripe avocados, plane tickets, and lavender lattes, but her deepest joy is found at the feet of her Savior and she longs to spread His hope in the world. Her health challenges have given her a tender heart toward those facing chronic pain, and she loves bringing hope to this underserved community through her book, Hold Hope. She recently married the curly-haired love of her life and is loving her new adventure with Jack! Find her at lettterstoholdhope.com and on Instagram @letterstoholdhope.
