When Richard and Debra Burton each lost their spouses to pancreatic cancer, they found God and Scripture provided sufficient help in their pain. Now ministering together, they are sharing three comforts in widowhood.
Until we lost our spouses, we had no concept of the paralyzing grief associated with widowhood. We had no idea how emotionally debilitating the termination of marriage in death is until we experienced it ourselves. As the Lord faithfully shepherded us through our personal valleys of the shadow of death and widowhood, we reminded ourselves that our widowhood was not an accident, nor an end. It was part of God’s sovereign plan.
Just as He had once melded each of us and our deceased spouses into one flesh for His specified duration and purpose, so too He had established us in widowhood for a specified duration and purpose. When the Lord called us out of widowhood into a new marriage, we felt compelled to comfort our brothers and sisters enduring the trial of widowhood “with the comfort with which we ourselves [had been] comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) by urging them to focus on God’s unique purpose in their widowhood.
If you are currently enduring the agonizing pain of widowhood, we want to remind you of critically important truths that will see you through this trial.
1. God will comfort you in your grief. He will shepherd you through this trial.
A key to enduring your trial of grief is to keep your mind and heart laser-focused on God by praying “without ceasing” and reading His Word frequently. Prayer and God’s Word are the only sure anchor for your soul in the storms of life. Your grief at losing your precious spouse won’t instantly disappear because you are praying and reading God’s Word, but you will see your grief in an eternal context. You will mourn, but not as others who have no hope, as you continually remind yourself that God’s compassions never fail, His mercies are new every morning, and He is good to the soul who seeks Him. (Lamentations 3:22-25).
Frequently meditate on God’s promise that He will never leave nor forsake you and that He gives power to the weak and renews their strength. When you feel weak and beaten down by circumstances, lonely, and hopeless, run to the Lord. His name is a strong fortress. Cast all your anxieties on Him; He cares for you! Cast your burden on the Lord; He will sustain you in your trial of widowhood. Search the pages of Scripture for reminders that there is nowhere you can go that God is not already there and that you are never out of His thoughts. Remind yourself that Jesus Himself, our precious Savior, told you that you could take courage in life’s trials because He has overcome the world and because He stands ready to give you rest when you cast your burdens on Him
2. God is sovereign; your widowhood is part of His divine plan.
One of the most important truths about God is that He is entirely sovereign over everything. The late R.C. Sproul liked to remind believers that there are no “maverick molecules” in the universe because, if there were, then God wouldn’t truly be sovereign. Whether your spouse died suddenly in an accident or suffered a long, lingering death, you can take comfort in knowing that God was sovereign in their death as much as He was sovereign in their life.
God proclaimed His sovereignty over past, present, and future in no uncertain terms to the prophet Isaiah: “Remember the former things of old, for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure’” (Isaiah 46:9-10, NKJV). God is sovereign; your widowhood is part of His divine plan “from ancient times” and for today.
3. God has work for you to do in your widowhood.
As you meditate on the truth that your widowhood is part of God’s sovereign plan from eternity past, begin to actively seek His will for you in widowhood. As hard as it may be to contemplate in the initial stages of your grief, remember that God has a purpose for you in widowhood. God had work for you to do while married and He has work for you to do in your widowhood. You can rejoice in the days, weeks, months, and years God privileged you to be married, but don’t get bogged down yearning for a return to the past. Look forward and move forward. You have work to do today!
Try to shift your focus from your own pain to see and minister to the needs of others. Consider participating in a stateside or overseas mission with a Christian service organization. If you can’t leave the area, begin doing volunteer work with local Christian charitable organizations. Check with your local homeless shelter, juvenile detention center, jail, or food pantry to learn how you can serve. When you feel intimidated by the prospect of stepping out to do the work of your widowhood, remind yourself of the truism: “God doesn’t call the equipped; He equips the called.” His “divine power has given to [you] all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3) and His Word equips you for “every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
Widowhood can be an incredibly unsettling time, especially in its early stages. But, rest assured, God has not left you, nor forsaken you. He knows the way that you take and, as you trust Him fully in the midst of your severe trial, know that He will strengthen your faith and better equip you for His service. Cling tenaciously to His promise that He will bring good for you out of this paralyzing trial and that, when it is over, you will shine forth as gold in His kingdom.
Richard and Debra (Shattuck) Burton married in 2017 after losing their spouses to pancreatic cancer. Together, they minister to other believers who have lost their spouses to death. Richard, a retired mathematics professor and computer software engineer, serves as a teaching elder at Grace Church of the Black Hills in Rapid City, South Dakota. Deb, a retired Air Force Colonel and professor of history, leads Grace Church’s women’s Bible study program. Together, they have eight children, sixteen grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. Find their book When Death Does You Part: A Biblically Informed Guide Through Widowhood and Remarriage and connect at whendeathdoesyoupart.com.
