I stooped to give my 7-year-old a goodnight hug and pray with him. He’d made a pallet on the carpet in my bedroom, something he often did after Dan died.
By day, he played like all the other little boys in neighborhood. You’d never know he was carrying a heavy blanket of grief.
It was at night, tired and finally quiet after the day’s activity, that I’d often hear him crying or see the silent tears as we talked.
On this night, I listened as Matt prayed. He thanked God for the good day and prayed for kids all over the world that needed help. And then he closed with this:
Tell my dad I said hello.
A thousand knives went through my heart.
Inwardly, I wrestled over the brutal honesty of his words even as I steadily bent to kiss his forehead. Tears stung my eyes at the cruel unfairness that a little boy would even have to pray those words and I could see Matt’s eyes were filled with tears too.
I had cried more tears over the last few weeks than I ever imagined a person could cry. Our days were filled with constant reminders of missing Dan. I’d instinctively reach for my cell phone to tell him some news — and then remember. I’d hear the back door open and my heart would beat a little faster like it always had when he came home from work — and then I’d remember.
Every single routine in our family had an empty hollowness.
Dinner held plenty of conversation – even laughter — but always overshadowed by Dan’s seat at the table so obviously empty.
His briefcase sat just where he’d left it next to his chair in the living room and boxes where we’d packed up his office were sprawled on the ping-pong table in the garage.
There would be no more rides in his truck to and from practice, no more bedtime reads for the littles as I did the dishes, so many no more’s.
Tell my dad I said hello.
Those words held pain but they also held connection.
Dan on that side of heaven, us on this side. Him in the presence of God, us still walking it out in faith. Him face to face with God, us still veiled from full glory.
Heaven had always seemed far off in time and space. It was a sure thing but a someday thing, so distant from the busy days of our life raising kids and paying bills.
And then it wasn’t.
Death had brought pain but it also brought connection. I wish I could say I felt that connection to heaven before but Dan’s death made it immediate and palpable. Like we had a deposit, waiting for us just after we met Jesus.
Because when you love someone in heaven, you carry part of heaven in your heart.
It was in church that I could most easily picture Dan in heaven. Caught up with the words and music of worship, I imagined him just the other side of eternity.
Us in our pew, him in the true tabernacle. All eyes on Christ. All of us worshiping. All of us part of one body.
The body of Christ is more than my congregation. It’s more than the believers in the next city over and next continent over. The body of Christ includes believers right now in the presence of God.
As we worship God here, we’re joining the chorus of believers worshiping in heaven.
As we serve God here, we’re joining the band of believers serving in heaven.
As we praise God here, we’re joining the multitude of believers praising in heaven.
The seen and the unseen. The groaning and the freed. Those whose life is Christ and those whose death is gain.
Yes, Lord Jesus. Tell him we said hello.
Oh, Lisa, this is beautiful. My son was 30 yrs old when he left this earth 15 years ago; the pain and loss has been and still is one that changed my life forever. Your thoughts about sharing our joy as we worship our Lord with the body of believers is extremely comforting! Thank you !
Such a hard loss, Lois. Praying for you especially in the upcoming weekend.
Thank you, Lisa…
Dear Lisa,
I know we have never met. But I read your email and I am so thankful God has placed you in my life in a very unique way. Thank you for your raw and vulnerable sharings. Indeed, our God is Faithful. And one day, we will all be united in His Presence. ❤️ Continue holding onto God. 😊
With love,
Gerrie
I am picture our loves ones just praising Him there. I always say that we are only rehersal our praise here but one day we will be praising Him with our loves one forever and ever. Thanks for sharing.
I think you’re spot on! This is just the tune up for all that we’ll do in eternity.
God took one of my sister’s home 1 and a half years ago. I often ask Jesus to give her a hug or tell her I miss her, so I can relate. I often think of the verse that says ask me anything. I miss her so, but know as you have said, that she is in the presence of the Lord not in pain anymore worshipping Him and being free! Trusting Him and can’t wait to see her again and see Jesus!
It is such deep grief, but praise the Lord we can grieve with HOPE. xoxo
Lisa, I love that you said “we can grieve in HOPE “. Without that hope it is pretty dark.
Do you make that sign/print earlier stated,
“When you love someone in heaven you carry part of heaven in your heart?”
Crystal, I just created a printable with this and I’ve uploaded it to the Printable Collection.
Dear Lisa, what a beautiful piece.
You are an amazing woman. This is a wonderful way to look at things. I will be passing it on.
May God wrap his arms around you and your family and give you strength and comfort.
Thank you, Jutta.
Amen and amen. When my beloved Papa died, the man who had been the steady, my whole life. The one who I either lived with, or lived next door to, all but three years of my life, went to glory so unexpectedly, we were heartbroken. Heaven definitely became a place I could envision more. When his sister was passing of cancer, I longed to whisper to her, “please tell Papa I love him.” But I am thankful to know, I can ask that of Jesus any time. Jesus connects us, even in death. Praise His name.
When my sweet Pa went to Jesus, in a freak yard accident, again we grieved. He had been brought into our lives, and especially, the life of our Nana, so unexpectedly and brought such love and joy. I used to lead worship at our small church and he was in the choir, and now when I sing in corporate worship, I too envision the body of Christ, here and there, all hailing the One who is worthy above all! The Lamb of God, King Jesus, and I feel close and have the glimpse, as you mentioned, through the veil, of what is to come. Oh, how blessed we are that because of Jesus, we truly can grieve with hope!
Thank you, Lisa for continuing to write your journey. As you can tell, this one hit home. Love and prayers to you and your growing family. ❤️
Pam, I’m so sorry for your loss. <3 I love your description:"the body of Christ, here and there, all hailing the One who is worthy above all!" Only God could take something SO PAINFUL and bring us even more hope through it. xoxoxo
Thank you so much for sharing this Lisa. It could not have come at a better time. We have been reeling and struggling with the death of my niece in November. She died suddenly and unexpectedly a few hours after giving birth to a beautiful baby girl. She had no complications and was one of the healthiest people I knew. Have to be honest with you and say that we questioned why God would take such a beautiful person on the inside and out and leave 3 precious children behind. She has two toddler boys and now a newborn baby being raised by their daddy. It is only our faith in God that got us through this terrible and tragic situation. We know that she is now in heaven singing with the angels. She taught Sunday school and loved to sing in the choir. She touched the lives of so many people and it’s just so hard to believe that she’s gone. Her mother and father are struggling so much. But they said they know that she is in the arms of Jesus and that he had a plan and purpose for her life and that one day they will know why God chose to take her at such a young age. She was their only daughter but they still have a son who is also struggling with the death of his only sibling. This article gives me peace and I’m going to share it with her parents and brother. Thank you so much for your ministry. You bless my heart every single day as I read your devotions. Thank you. May God richly bless you and you’re in my prayers also.
Thank you for a new way of looking at worship. In the 18 months since I lost my husband, I have been sitting in church with my son each Sunday and imagining the people glancing at us and thinking about my loss and feeling pity. It made me feel small. Tomorrow I will worship with a new attitude, joining my husband in praise. Only he will have a better view..
Thank you Lisa Appelo for this text, and Praise God I read it this time😉
Ny Sister in Faith so Quete kidds you got, Bless abountantly and Protect you all🙏🏻🙌🏻
Joh 3:16-17
Isaih 53
No words, just beautiful, your rawness reaches the places we don’t know need reaching…
Beautiful Lisa. You’ve been through so much. Thank you for sharing.
xoxo
I wish the same comfort and assurance had been available to me when I lost my father as a child. Sadly although he was a wonderful, loving father, he was not a believer.
None of usknow what happens between a man and God in those brief moments at the end but I guess that when my time comes, it is then that I will know for sure.
Your son and the rest of your family are so blessed to have the assurance that the one they love is now with God.
Lisa may God Bless you and your family always. You are an Amazing and Strong woman Glory be to God. Your article bought tears to my eyes.
This post really hit home today in church. I lost my husband 14 months ago to cancer. On the day before we called hospice he woke up not being able to breath properly. I went down and sang to him oh how I love Jesus to him. He sang with me in is not so pleasant tune(he couldnt sing worth a dime, but oh how we sang and we sang that song the next two days on his dying bed. Today I went to church and the preacher talked about God’s love and then we sang oh How I love Jesus. I cried, but then I praise God. My husband was singing the heavely choir with a beautiful voice and he wasnt struggling to breath. Thank you Yes I praise God. My Husband is with Jesus.
Thanks for this Lisa, never thought of it quite like this ❤
Lisa, you have my heart… This is a BEAUTIFUL perspective, one I will keep tucked away. Thank you for sharing your heart. Prayers for you and your family.
I believe with all my heart my husband is in Heaven and I send him my love every night though my prayers… He passed away this January after a long and difficult illness, a gentle soul, who touched many along his journey to heaven. Your words are a source of encouragement as I struggle though my grieving. Thank you!❤️
Love those words – when we love someone in heaven we hold a piece of heaven in our heart. Such a comforting promise about the hope that is ours through Jesus. So grateful that you and your family know that hope and promise, friend. xoxo
What beautiful comfort and assurance you write, Lisa. May your heart be continually strengthened. I wonder if the very hardest thing is seeing your kids suffer grief and loss. Thanks for sharing your story.
Lisa , I lost my beautiful husband three and a half years ago without God’s grace, I would not have survived. I am so glad I found your webpage. Thank you so very much.
Nikki, I’m so sorry for your loss. Same for me…Psalm 119:92 says if your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.
I let go of my husband of 33 years in November after 20 years of illness. Your postingtouched myheart…thank you.