Most of the world enters December with excitement and anticipation. Christmas is a month of lights and decorating, events and parties, festive food, presents and family.
But for so many, the holidays are not merry and bright. When Christmas is hard, it’s another stark reminder of who is missing and all that has changed.
I remember how my heart sank four years ago at the thought of facing our first Christmas without Dan. I so wanted it to be a happy time for my family and I so wanted to make good memories for my children. But how in the world could we muster any kind of excitement? Our life had turned inside out and we were in deep grief.
We desperately needed joy. We needed something that would help us not just get through the days but something that would help us enjoy them.
And so, that Christmas four years ago, we started a new tradition. We called it Days of Joy and our goal was to find a way to bless someone else each day. Somehow we knew enough to realize that by God’s design, a huge key to finding joy for ourselves again was to serve others.
That Christmas became marked by intention to bless others. We celebrated Days of Joy through acts of blessing. We didn’t do it every day; I didn’t want it to become a chore itself. But throughout the month, we purposely looked for ways to bring joy to others.
On one of the very first days, we set a cooler of sodas and a plate of chocolate chip cookies by the curb early one morning and watched from the window as our trash collectors stopped their huge truck, got out to read my children’s note and then emptied that cooler, swooped up the cookies and loaded back into the truck.
You know what? It worked. It was like a shot of pure joy and we began to look for other ways to bless. We wrapped presents for Toys for Tots, gave away outgrown coats, put together bags for the homeless and wrote letters to our Compassion child.
We were hooked. This Days of Joy thing was working better than I could have imagined. It didn’t mean we didn’t grieve. We still cried plenty and we still grieved and missed Dan intensely.
There was pain, but there was also joy. In the hardest and saddest days we’d ever known, we were fighting for joy. Each act of blessing helped us smile, see needs outside of our family, and deepen our compassion. We did make memories. I will forever remember that first hard Christmas as a tender time where we chased hard after joy.
Today we start our fourth December celebrating Days of Joy. We’ll sit down and plan some ways that we can show joy to someone else.
But, this year I want to add something else in. This year, I want to teach my kids still at home to follow God’s spontaneous prompting to bless someone. That kind of service can’t be calendared.
It means we’ll have to open our ears to hear and be ready to obey. It might mean interruptions. It might stretch us and I sure hope it will surprise us.
If you’d like to celebrate Days of Joy this month, I have some prints to share with you! I made note cards to hand out this year. Whether we sign our name or give anonymously, I want to attach a handwritten note to tell them why we’re doing it.
For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior who is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:10-11
May this season bring great joy to you. If you’re going through a hard Christmas, I pray that God will surprise you with joy in the midst of the hard as He carries you through this season.
Click HERE to download the Printable Days of Joy note cards.
Oh, how it humbles me, Lisa, to have found you and your blog. I was a widow at the age of 40 with 2 teenagers at home. I am now 2+ decades older. You explain it all so well–the hurt, the pain of not having that particular someone there and the holidays are the absolute worst. I have since re-married and been blessed with a half dozen grandkids. However, the way you and your little ones reached out in your pain to help all those less fortunate just amazed me. What a servant’s heart you have! God bless you, Lisa, and your family because you sure bless me.
::tears:: Thank you for your kind words. How sweet to see the perspective you have now. Blessings to you as well, Terri.
Lisa, I love this idea. When the kids were all little and not involved in as much, we did a good job of these types of efforts. Lately though, I’ve lost that somewhere. Your post has motivated me! Thank you!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
It was born out of need, Lori, but I’m glad now for this tradition. 🙂
Lisa, I too was widowed at 48 and unlike you, I fell apart. Had I had the insight and strength you had, that Christmas and the Christmases since would be far better. It’s still hard for many of us with emotional problems but I am so proud of you and your kids for handling your grief far better than I have. I have since wised up that it does help to help others but I hate that it took me a couple of years to get there. Thank you for sharing your wonderful spirit of Christmas.
Wanda, I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is a bear…it can steamroll us in so many ways. I pray that God will restore to you “the years the locusts have eaten” — Joel 2:25.
This is so amazing, Lisa. Yesterday I was driving in my neighborhood and stopped behind our trash collector truck. The workers looked so unhappy and I thought, “I would like to do something to surprise them for Christmas.” My family and I were just talking about what we could do for them last night! It was perfect timing for me to read your post this morning. Planning some days of joy for this year!
Yay, Kristine! Lots of Days of Joy made for some of the hardest workers!
Wow, Lisa, such powerful words here today, friend! I cannot imagine how that first Christmas must have been for you, but I do know that in my own life, when I hurt, I find healing by reaching out to bless and encourage others! What a lovely idea. I wonder what I can do for our garbage collectors? (Reading Kristine’s comment above!)
Betsy, I loved reading your post about your kids making a meal to support refugees…and your patience with them taking the lead. 🙂
Lisa,
This is precious – you are precious.
This is personally SO timely. And as far as the practical application, this is perfect!
(Just last week, as our sanitation workers drove by, I wondered what I could do this season to share a little light.) Your idea is just the answer!
Praying your cup overflows with Joy and comfort this Christmas. Blessings Lisa.
Feel free to share the Days of Joy, Jessica. 🙂
Wonderful idea! I tell all my bereaved that the people who are grieving who seem to recover the best are those who decide to reach out and do something for others- some act of kindness, volunteering etc. It takes your focus off yourself and your sadness and brings joy to the person you help and to you for making someone else’s life better.
It does Karen. It’s one of the proactive steps, one thing we can DO, to chase down joy. I know you’ve been there.
There is such power in giving, taking the focus off ourselves and making someone elses world a happier place. What a beautiful example you are to your children, and to us. Thank you.
Yes, isn’t it neat that God made us for community? Thank you, June.
Hi Lisa. ..I just finished reading “Days of Joy”! I love how you are sharing your grief with acts of kindness.
I lost my beautiful son in 2014. He was the love of my life. I didn’t want to succumb to the pain so I decided to be a reflection of his life. I have adopted some people at the cemetery that have no one. I plant flowers in Spring and decorate for the holidays. I now have 6 sites, most of them young men that gave their lives for us.
When I visit my Steve I look around and see joy…so much joy! No more bleakness, just bright light that shines from giving!
May Jesus bless you and your family as you celebrate your tradition of Hope!!
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Donna, I’m so sorry for your loss. <3 I loved reading your message. What an honor to take care of the sites for 6 others. I'm praying for you right now in your walk of suffering.
Tears as I read these comments, Lisa. What a WONDERFUL post! It’s timely, too. Just read it to the kids – thinking caps are on. In the past we’ve decorated sugar cookies and given them to the postman and trash men. Our old church delivered them to fire and police depts as well. There are loads of options.
Kristi, I hope you are blessed by your own Days of Joy as you grieve your dad. <3
Lisa, what a beautiful post. You inspire me, friend, and I love how God used that first difficult Christmas to birth this new tradition. We recently introduced these types of ideas to our boys, and it amazes me how much joy it brings to my oldest. Humbling, really. Thanks for sharing.
I am so inspired by your family’s choice to choose joy. You took something unbelievably hard and turned it into a blessing for others. Thank you for sharing from the hard places and bringing joy to those around you—including me! And thank you for linking up with #FridayFive!
Just finding this post was a surprise of joy in this suddenly, shocking hard Christmas.