I have been fascinated with This is Us. I stopped watching at one point because of some content, but I kept getting pulled into the primary storyline — Jack’s death and its impact on his family.
If you’re not a This is Us viewer, the show follows three 40-year-old siblings, interplaying scenes from their current lives with their growing up years. Their father, Jack, is a phenomenal dad and husband. The show’s only revealed that Jack died when the kids were teens and though Jack’s death impacts nearly every substory, we’ve not yet been told the full story.
I’ve watched This is Us like I’m watching a documentary. How will they handle Rebecca’s grief? How does the family absorb such shock? How do his children get from there to here?
It’s not just Jack’s death. This is Us has spent whole episodes on the dying and death of William, another on Dr. Katowski’s grief after his wife died. The show unfolded the grief of losing one of the triplets and the death of William’s mother.
Unlike any other show in recent memory, This is Us is laced with grief – and surprise, surprise — has gotten so much right. So far, here’s what This is Us gets right about grief.
1.Let people grieve at their pace.
Tuesday’s show opened as Beth assured Randall he didn’t have to do anything with William’s things just yet. This is such grace. Everyone processes grief differently. Some need to move forward quickly; others need to process more slowly. Some need to be with people; others need more alone time. Instead of imposing arbitrary timelines and expectations, we need to give grace to let people grieve at their own pace.
2 Share your stories.
So many tears Tuesday but especially when the postman asks about William. Sure, it felt a bit personal and awkward but did you see how healing it was when he shared memories of William that Randall never knew? That is pure gift — unearthed treasures of how your loved one impacted others.
3. Say their name.
The postman also got this right – he said William’s name. We tend to think saying the name of a child who died in a car accident or the wife who died of cancer will make it hurt worse. But it’s actually a healing balm to hear the name of someone we love. Even when it brings tears, they are good tears that bring with them a flood of warm memories.
4. Celebrate the things they loved.
Randall’s daughters chose to celebrate their grandfather’s life with the things he loved — his favorite breakfast, a walk down the street wearing hats like his. What a way to cherish the life that was. Maybe it’s buying the coffee he always bought or a yearly trip to her favorite restaurant. When we remember “Daddy would have loved this” and “this was one of Dad’s favorite places,” it stirs up rich memories we want to hang onto.
5. Little things are missed most.
When Beth “toasts” William, she notes the little things – hearing his humming every morning as he brushed his teeth. “I can look all over this house and see the memories we shared.”
In grief, you realize the little things are big things. It’s not the nice vacations or fancy dinners out that are missed. It’s hearing him walk through the kitchen door each night, seeing his grin across the table, cleaning the shaving cream left in the sink each morning. Grief is a thousand daily losses.
6. Death forever divides time.
“We’ll remember things as before William and after William,” Beth says. Loss is a hinge on which one door closes and another opens. It forever alters the trajectory of life. It separates not just people, but a way of life. Life is divided and defined as before he died, and after he died.
7. Stuffing grief won’t prevent it.
We’ve seen hints that Kate is stuck in her grief. Randall wisely tells her to let her feelings out. The depth of sadness, despair, anger and fear in grief is physically painful and emotionally wrecking. And while I’m no grief counselor, I’ve seen that if we don’t allow ourselves to fully feel grief, we will not process it. Stuffing and ignoring don’t eliminate grief; they postpone it.
8. The impact is forever
There’s not a season of grief that’s over and done. It may look different, less intense, but the impact of loss will be felt forever. Jack’s death hangs over the entire storyline in This is Us because grief changes who you are. Grief is the last part of a love relationship.
Of course, what This is Us never addresses is Christian grief. Grief for the believer is always hemmed with anticipation and hope. Though we grieve deeply, we grieve with hope.
For the believer, death may have altered the trajectory of this life, but it points us to the direction we’re ultimately headed.
While grief may feel like a forever impact, it’s a momentary loss on eternity’s line.
And the loss that cuts so deeply here is incomparable to the fullness that waits for us in heaven.
Lisa, as a bereavement coordinator for hospice and one who has had several significant losses, I think this is an excellent post. I will share it. Thanks
Karen, either the writers have suffered grief or they are getting wise input from counselors like yourself. So glad to see a show dealing with it head-on.
When is this show shown? On TV? This show is new to me, but I’d love to watch.
I have experienced the loss of a precious daughter, 25 yrs old! Gone way to soon.
She was a true Angel to our family and all the lives she came in contact with.
I grieve her loss terribly, but as you say “The loss that cuts so deeply here is incomparable to the fullness that waits for us in heaven.” Now that is a real GOLD NUGGET to hold onto.
It’s on NBC at 9:00 pm (East Coast) on Tuesdays. This week is the season finale, so if you’re planning to watch, you might want to go back and watch the episodes leading up to it.
This is excellent. I love this new show and yes it unravels so much reality that it hits everyone right where they are at the moment in time. It is the finest show on TV right now.
Thank you, Sharon.
Thank you for this!! You said it so very well!!! Today would be my 43 Anniversary but my husband went to heaven shortly after our 41st! God bless you abundantly!! Thank you!!
I’m so sorry for your loss, MaryJo. What a beautiful legacy you have …so much to miss and grieve.
What a wonderful post. I’m continually blessed by your beautiful gift of writing. I’m so thankful for you! ❤️
Love you, Beth. xoxo
Lisa, I haven’t watched This Is Us yet but am very touched by your thoughts here. Thank you for sharing this.
Lois, I’m not normally a tv-watcher and I’d toss some of this show. 😉 But they’ve handled some hard issues well.
I have never seen the show you are talking about, but your post is so “right on” concerning grief. I’ve had to find many of the things you cover by going through them the hard way. One aspect you did not cover that I found to be true is to be prepared when you go through a difficult valley, which has nothing to do with the loss of your loved one, but be ready to grieve all over again, almost from the beginning because the pain is harder to bear without the “most important” person in your life to walk through the difficult with you. My difficult time was 5 years after the death of my husband and I grieved harder that year than any of the preceeding years. Just wanted to let your readers know to be ready for that. Thankfully, my God is with me everyday and walked me through that difficult year as well as the initial loss of my husband.
Mary, you are so right that grief is not linear and it has so many layers. Thank you for sharing.
This post really knocks it out of the park ! This will impact and bless thousands at the very least.
You’ve done a great job with this, Lisa. I’ve heard so much about This is Us. Now my curiosity is piqued. But these takeaways on grief are excellent.
Agreed. Your thoughts are appreciated. This show is honest and mesmerizing and so well written.
Lisa, I also am a fan of This Is Us, and yes it is a great show on grieving. I thank God I have not lost someone physically but rather in the middle of a separation preparing for divorce and so even in this sense it’s a loss, but I’m grateful, the experience has just brought me so much closer to the Lord. Thanks for your encouraging words
Goodness Lisa, I cry week after week watching This is Us. You’re right in that it’s not a perfect series – but it’s real and spot on with the challenges we all face in life. You absolutely nailed this post and I pray that millions of people will become more aware of their emotions, grief, and coping through a simple television show.
Yes, the writers have woven in such authentic themes to the show, Meg. Tears for me every week as well!
Spot on!! I lost my son Alexander when he was just 21 months old (STUPID cancer!) While I haven’t heard stories ABOUT him that I didn’t know, I have heard many people tell me they were inspired to do a good deed BECAUSE of him! (many people became regular blood donors because of him) Another friends daughter collects orders for Girl Scout Cookies to donate to the hospital that he was treated at. A young cousin that lives far from us was inspired to start a Christmas Stocking collection for kids in the hospital.
I love to talk about him – I love when people tell me they thought of him because of something they saw.
Most days are easier now than they were 6 years ago, but other days are still as hard as that first few days, weeks, months…..
Nancy, I’m so sorry for your loss. I have not walked in your mama shoes and my heart breaks for your huge loss. I love every one of the ways that Alexander’s life is celebrated. I’m actually adding them to a list I keep because for the last few Christmases, we’ve pursued joy through acts of kindness. Thank you so much for sharing.
You are welcome! Christmas is such a hard time for families with a sick child in the hospital even the little thing can make a HUGE difference!
I have heard so many people talk about this is us show but I have not seen it yet. Thank you for sharing more about it you peeked my interest now I will have to find it and watch it.
Lisa, I have also enjoyed “This is Us”! I lost my my husband of 38 years on February 3, 1917. I enjoyed what you shared with all of us. My husband and I are Christians and I know I will see him again some day. I am learning how to deal with my grief. Some days are good and some days all I feel like doing is crying without letting up! My blessings far exceed my grief. God has provided peace that goes beyond understanding!
Gwen, I’m so sorry for your loss. But, yes, we grieve with hope — for eternity and for now because God still has abundance here, though we always, always miss. Thank you for sharing, Gwen. <3
My favorite TV show and I have yet to watch the premier this week so I will doing that tonight. Great post, and grieving with hope is the one of the greatest blessing God has given us. So that when the people we love leave this earth we might miss their presence but if we are in Christ we are never without hope knowing that one day we will see them again.