This month has been a whirlwind of graduation activities. There have been senior dinners and rehearsals, final exams, banquets, awards and presentations, photos, slide shows, meetings, parties, a late night sleepover after graduation and the cap and gown Sunday service.
We started the month with Rachel’s college graduation (She’s got a job! Woop!) and ended with Seth’s high school graduation.
Seth is our fourth child we have graduated, the true middle child of seven. You would think it gets easier, this releasing kids from home.
But this entire month has tugged at my heart: picking photos for the senior slideshow and going back through all the moments that have been his life and mine for the last 18 years; searching for treasures in his baby box and on his bookshelves to display on the senior table; pulling the black robe and mortar board his brothers wore from the back of the closet.
I’m not just nostalgic over my own boy. The past few months have been a series of lasts for his whole group of senior friends.
As I watch them standing for pictures together, lanky arms across each other’s shoulders, with grins as wide as their dreams, I breathe wistful, silent sighs.
“This is ending. It took us 18 full summers to get here. And it will never be again. Even when you come home from your colleges, and you get together, it won’t be this — this shared, mischievous, carefree, continued adventure that has been childhood.”
These kids are stepping from our lives to their own.
Of course, Seth will always be very much in my life. But his life is about to grow way beyond mine.
I’ve been the hub of the wheel. The calendaring, the meals, the money handed out for gas and school books and lunch on the choir trip has all required me.
In a few weeks, we’ll pack up boxes with his things and move him to a new school and a new town. I’ll get phone calls and texts, but no more “I need my uniform by tomorrow, Mom” or “I’ll be home late, Mom.”
Being a mom has been the pinnacle of what I’ve wanted in this life. Life hasn’t been fancy and that is fine by me. Who needs fancy when life is rich with babies, afternoons at the park, conversations and cutting up in a few different minivans, basketball games and ballet recitals, and listening to the back door open and close a hundred times on a summer day?
This entire month, I have wished I could push pause and just stay right here. Release is so hard, no matter how right.
As I release this fourth child, it feels like a strong wind has taken hold of my kite and I’m watching its string unwind quickly through my grasp.
I’m watching it go further and further out and I already miss it.
We do not know the true value of our moments until they have undergone the test of memory. Like the images the photographer plunges into a golden bath, our sentiments take on color; and only then, after that recoil and that trans-figuration, do we understand their real meaning and enjoy them in all their tranquil splendor. ~ Georges Duhamel
But I did know their value.
I have always known — even on the hardest days and in my most impatient moments. I have treasured the little hand slipped into mine, a grocery cart full of tow-headed preschoolers, grass worn bare from summers of touch football.
Through the tired and late nights and loads of laundry, I loved those moments and I knew they were fleeting.
In the last few weeks, I’ve noticed small green oranges forming on our orange trees.
Before there was any fruit, the trees were covered in buds that opened in early spring to a profusion of small white flowers.
Orange blossoms have an undeniable sweet scent. I remember driving through Florida’s rolling hills of orange groves as a child when the orange blossom fragrance was so strong it came right through our car windows.
And yet, as heady as that scent is, no farmer would be content with a grove of orange blossoms. His labor is meant to produce fruit.
These last 18 years? They have been good.
But they have been bud and blossom. How I have loved the sweet beauty of this season and boy is it hard to release.
But there is great fruit. And though different from the beauty of bud and blossom, it is good. Deeply satisfying.
For now, the black robe is hung back up in my closet and the mortar board tucked onto a shelf. They’ll be needed again for another brother in two years.
oh, friend, you have been on my mind and in my prayers often this month. i’ve been wistful especially this spring, too, and i don’t even have one graduating this year! i’ve been reflecting often how different these last 3 are compared to how many people (siblings!) were around when the oldest ones were their age. love your writing–praying for heaps of blessing and peace on you! love from pa-
jodi
Jodi,
The rhythm at home definitely shifts with each child that graduates. And I find I have to be flexible to accommodate life with olders — dropping things when they come home, stopping to talk late into the night, visiting out of town. We are there together for sure! Love you friend and good to hear from you. <3
Very sweet post! Blessings to you and your family, and your son on his future! I know it is “bittersweet.”
Thank you Clare! He’ll be in the same town as two siblings which is balm when my heart flutters a bit. Thank you for visiting!
Oh, thank you so much for the encouragement! We will be graduating twins this coming year and after seeing the kiddos at church celebrated and asked questions about what their parent’s taught them and such, it finally hit me…our babies will be doing this next year…AH!
But your words are like salve to my soul.
Thanks so much.
Twins? Congratulations! I can see from your pic that you have a full house! The senior year really is such a mix of excitement, anticipation, readiness and nostalgia. Did you see the story on the quintuplets I wrote a few weeks ago? All 5 just graduated with my son. So every time I got a bit weepy, I thought and prayed for my dear friend. Thanks for visiting Daune!
Letting go is so hard. I’ve been in this season as well. My baby graduated from college last month, and is spending most of this summer in Guatemala. It was tough putting her on a plane to fly away into the unknown. But I know that God goes with her. Better there with Him than anywhere without Him. Blessings to you on your continued journey as well as your kids.
Lisa, it’s hard but good this letting go. Some days I’m so proud of my older ones’ independence and other days . . . well, I don’t wish it weren’t so but I miss the days they were a bit more dependent on me! But you’re exactly right that “better with God than anywhere without Him.” <---- I'll take that all day long. Thanks for visiting!
How good to meet you today, Lisa. Thank you for coming by, for saying hi …
I hear you about sifting through the pictures, the momentos, those things that tug at heart strings. May doing so bring you nothing but joy and the fondest of memories as you continue to head forward.
Blessings …
Thank you Linda! It was precious time going through the photos!
So happy to find your blog at Live Free Thursday! I am also at the half way point with my family. It’s a strange season, a time of learning how many plates go on the table each day, and I think I liked things better when everyone was together, but I sure do love my little grand boy, so — I’m with you. . . and I really like the way you put it: I’m going to value the now.
Blessings!
Yes, that counting up the plates! 😉 Thank you for visiting Michele.
I’ve been at this letting go thing for the past 5 or so years now, and you’re right, it doesn’t get any easier. I get so excited when the kids come home, and my heart gets torn straight out of my chest every time they leave again. Every. Single. Time. UGH! But God equips us for this time as well, and as we grieve, He comforts and gives His joy. Thank you for your testimony always, Lisa, and thank you for sharing today on #LiveFree Thursday.
And good luck to Rachel and Seth!
Thankful we get to do it slowly, one at a time Ruthie.
Lisa, as every post you write your words are so transparent and heart felt. Thanks for sharing and Congrats to Rachel and Seth again!!!! Well done Mom)))
Glad we still have some *wonder years* left together Tyra! Thank you, friend.
Oh, my Mama heart is tearing up for you! I can only imagine the feelings this all brings (I will imagine for another 7 years thank goodness!-I know they will fly by) So blessed that you linked up with me at #wordswithwinter
This is so beautifully written…I’m more at the beginning of this road as my husband and I dream about starting a family, and I love hearing about how it can be sweet and slow in the midst of the craziness. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, every stage is sweet Lauren. Thank you for visiting!
I can’t even imagine. I just filled out paperwork today for my baby to go to Kindergarten next year. I almost cried. Then I got teary reading this! I know the weight of graduation will be here before I know it. Such a beautiful reminder for me to love the years I have ahead. Thank you friend.
You have amazing years ahead Kim! Those kindergartners are so precious and innocent…sweet times. 🙂
My oldest is 10. The day he turns 18 will come far too soon. 🙁
This is chocked full of truth! My children are grown and gone and have children of their own they are beginning to release and as I watch them, it can be easy to smile. I know they are experiencing what I felt when I needed to let them fly. You are right. There is much fruit yet to be produced and for me, it has been a great joy watching that happen in the lives of my children and now my grandchildren! Happy to be your neighbor at the Strangers & Pilgrims Linkup today!