Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.
One of my favorite lines from a favorite movie — You’ve Got Mail.
I love the pulse of back-to-school season. Here at home, I’ve been reshuffling books, moving last year’s books to lower shelves and replacing them with this year’s stuff. Backpacks have been reorganized. I’ve replenished our stockpile of spiral notebooks and lined paper. And I’ve begun laying out this year’s school schedule.
We are, amazingly, going into our 16th year of homeschooling.
My heart was so heavy last night as my news feed filled with story after story of horror against the most vulnerable. Terrorists surrounding an Iraq village, demanding that families convert or die. Thousands trapped on a barren mountain without food or water, followed by pictures of parents placing limp, already dead children in a dusty pile.
I could hardly fathom the picture of a hardened terrorist sporting a huge grin and an arm slung around his new little 7-year-old bride, whose tear-strewn face showed unmitigated fear as she wrung chubby fingers. Even locally, there was news of the heartless stabbing of a 6-year-old boy at the hands of his grandmother.
My hat is off to you.
I wish we could sit down together over a long cup of coffee and remind each other that it’s going to be okay. That we will be okay and that God is bringing us through.
Some days when I’m bone weary, I think about you — laboring well after everyone’s in bed.
I think about you making hundreds of decisions by yourself.
And facing daily new that you never expected and surely never wanted.
I think about you figuring out a hundred things that he used to do or letting it go because it’s just too hard to figure out.
I think about you anesthetizing lonely evenings with the mindless screen, willing yourself to cheer the anniversaries of friends, the happy-birthday-to-my-best-friend-who-completes-me pictures, the snapshots of boys hunting and father-daughter dances your own will never see again.
That heaviness you carry? You’ve gotten used to it.
You’ve gotten used to knots in your neck and thoughts that can’t be switched off, swirling between the must-do’s of today and the what if’s of tomorrow.
And while you smile to everyone else and put a brave face on mothering, I see the heaviness that’s always with you. God sees it.
What a perfect weekend of worship and work! I loved every bit of She Speaks 2014 and I’m so grateful I took the plunge to attend. I met amazing women across the country who are writing books, starting ministries and living out their walk with Christ authentically and transparently. It’s the first time I’ve been away by myself since Dan died. I cannot tell you how much God encouraged me from conversations with my plane seatmates to meeting so many like-minded women to learning more about the writing, blogging, publishing world.
So. My top three She Speaks moments.