It’s good to be home. It’s good to have an empty afternoon on the calendar. And it feels really good to have my fingers on this keyboard again and headphones over my ears — though they don’t completely block out the sounds of kids and summer.
The last three weeks have been back-to-back traveling for me. In late July, I went to She Speaks 2015. What an amazing conference! It’s a speaking and writing conference put on by Proverbs 31 ministries. If you’re interested in women’s ministry, writing or speaking, I wholeheartedly recommend it.
Last year, I attended after getting a wait list spot just before the conference. I was so green and I had just taken my first huge step of faith to write. I came home wide-eyed, took a deep breath and pushed publish on my first post.
This year, I prepared my little heart out. Weeks before the conference I began formally laying out a book proposal. I presented at a speaking group with Amy Carroll, got to meet friends I’d come to know online, met a book launch team with Emily Freeman and met with two publishers.
The publishers heard book proposals from hundreds of women for two days straight. I had fifteen minutes to pitch my idea and my heart. I had a written proposal, a one sheet, new business cards and my big idea. Both times, the publishers listened, asked some questions and said not yet. Keep writing, keep working — but not right now.
Unsuccess.
The publisher’s responses weren’t unsurprising given everything I’d read and studied about publishing nowadays. Still, I was honestly disappointed and the self-talk I’d held at bay started in.
“This is a pipe dream. You stepped out in faith but you misstepped and now what?”
“It’s silly to even try.”
“There’s no success here. You didn’t make it. Hang it up.”
But the thing is, even as I sifted through those thoughts, I was scratching out notes for another project, another post, a way to re-work the content the publishers didn’t want.
As soon as I got home from the She Speaks conference, my kids and I packed up and drove to Alabama to cheer on my oldest as he graduated from Air Force Officer Training School (OTS).
Ben has an Air Force scholarship through medical school and his OTS included dental, medical, seminary and law students. So these were already hard-working folks, but seeing the discipline and training these men and women went through and watching them drill and parade in full dress was inspirational.
I asked Ben whether he’d ever thought about quitting. I mean, that was an option. He said that he had seriously considered it the first week. In fact, several had quit and driven home.
But he and his flight-mates pressed through a 4:30 a.m. wake-up every morning to run in the dark, 10-minute meals eaten at attention, grueling drills in the Alabama heat, intense studying and exams, physical team-building challenges and a mock deployment.
And after the final presentation, after throwing their hats in the air, glad-handing and clapping each other on the backs, Ben said with a big smile, “That was awesome. I’m so glad I did this!”
Success.
One feels so much better than the other. But neither Ben’s graduation from OTS nor my publisher meetings are end points. What follows unsuccess and success in life is a comma, not a period.
This isn’t my first “unsuccess.” I’ve experienced it in a tip-top job interview that went south, dismal parenting moments and a particularly humbling time when I sang and accompanied myself on the piano at a Christian Women’s Club luncheon.
Those moments have been some of the best teachers. There wouldn’t be nearly as much to celebrate in successful moments if we didn’t know fully the feeling of falling short. After unspectacular grades my first semester of law school, I completely revamped my studying. That first report card didn’t just change my work habits; it changed me — my expectations and perspective. And even as I write this I can feel the sweet elation I had when spring grades came out.
Neither unsuccess nor success are end points. They are points on a continuum that make up a whole life. Both require us to get back up the next day and keep at it. Ben will start back with more school and second-year exams. And I’m back at it with some exciting projects and new writing opportunities.
I share all this because you’ve been here from the beginning. I appreciate your encouragement and your comments. I treasure the emails I’ve received from those of you who are grieving as we have grieved and from those seeking God’s faithfulness. I appreciate you sharing the posts that have meant something to you.
I have some exciting changes coming and some fun new projects. These 12 blank sheets of paper are now taped to my bedroom wall where I’ll record notes and thoughts and ideas for the next adventure.
And unsuccess? Just one of the many commas that will be marked on a continuing line.
jodi says
so proud of you, and grateful for you. just finished the book “look and live”- a great reminder of keeping our focus on the glory of Christ…you are a living reminder and example. thank you, friend.
love from the northeast-
jodi
Denise says
You are a beautiful, gifted writer! I can’t wait to see how God’s plan unfolds for you.
Brenda says
What a great reminder Lisa. Encouraged by your writings!
Rhonda Yates says
I’m so excited to see what the Lord has in store for you! So thankful He is always faithful! You are encouragement and blessing to me! Praying for you!
aunt Mary Anne says
You go Girl!!!!!
Rhonda@ cultivatingahome.com says
Your writing touches many. I’ll continue to enjoy it on your blog and in your books when the timing is right. Loved this message today.
Jeannie Gerhardt says
HOPE, you give me such hope through your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I hope you never stop writing. I have found such inspiration in your stories and comfort knowing that God never stops working in the lives of His loved ones. I, too have 7 children. What an encouragement to me to see God working in our children’s lives as well.
Monique says
I always enjoy reading your posts and I am confident that one day I WILL be reading a book that has your name on the cover! =)
Lois Flowers says
This is a wonderful perspective, Lisa. I especially liked the example you gave from law school … you had a wake-up call, you revamped and you eventually got the results you wanted. Keeping writing and waiting … only God knows what good things the future holds for you and your story.
Carol says
Thank you for this message, so needed it! Hang in there, Lisa, God is with you.
Lisa Appelo says
Thank you sweet friends and family. My chin is up for sure . . . just back at the drawing board. 🙂 <3
Meema says
Twenty-five years ago I was doing everything I could to deny what I wanted to do was write. After all, how could I possibly aspire to such a lofty profession or even art? I met a group of incredibly talented women, most who had grown children and had already been through several careers yet who were, as I was, still looking for their niche. We formed a support group founded on reading the book “Wishcraft or How To Get What You Really Want” by Barbara Sher. It changed my perspective and my life completely. It also launched a handful of incredible businesses out of our group.
By the middle of the third chapter my eyes flew open wide and I said out loud to the dog, “I am a writer”. However, the realization and the road that lay before me and that I chose did not take me to the destination I had imagined or expected it would. Two and a half decades later – I am still a writer and what’s more I learned how to publish other writers as well but my writing did not, does not, and never will be what people would define me as being a WRITER because it is my art and passion not my profession. The world prefers tidier definitions. And, in the category of publishing, one can’t claim to be officially published unless by a mainstream publisher. Modern technology is slowly changing the process but not so much the perception.
In the beginning you must first determine what you are willing for the ending to be. Do it because you love it, because it enlarges you and/or others and then, whatever the outcome is – twenty-five years hence – you will not be sorry for your choice. What I learned is that not all good writers are published in the mainstream but that doesn’t mean they aren’t writers or that they can’t be ‘published’. Ultimately I write because it makes me whole and so that I can find out what I think.
A Black says
I just came across your blog. I head to OTS myself next month, not for COT, but for BOT to pursue Intel after I graduate. Your post was inspirational to me as I embark on a new journey. I am not young, in fact I have been married for just about 9 years and I have a 4 year old son.
Congratulations to your son on his achievement. Thank you for your post.