By Jodi Rosser
It’s easy to second-guess ourselves about the best gifts to comfort in miscarriage or baby loss. When a friend or someone you love experiences miscarriage, a memorial or gift that honors their baby helps them know they and their baby are seen. Today Jodi Rosser shares meaningful gifts to comfort and heal in miscarriage.
I woke up drowsy from my operation. Sadly, just days before, the sonogram revealed the heartbreaking news. My baby’s heart had stopped beating at sixteen weeks pregnant.
Words cannot describe the devastation I experienced that day in the doctor’s office. With tears streaming down my face, I stared at the ultrasound monitor in shock. My hopes and dreams for my baby were gone in an instant. They were over before they even began.
After a long day of surgery, I left the hospital with empty arms. On the drive home, my eyes welled up again with tears as I realized miscarriage was now part of my story.
As we pulled into the driveway, my eyes spotted a surprise by my doorstep. There sat a huge, beautiful pot alongside a fruit tree. In lieu of flowers, our friends gave us a tree to plant in memory of our baby. What a brilliant idea, I thought. Flowers would eventually die, but we would have this fruit tree forever.
Planting the tree was more emotional than I had anticipated.
As we poured the potting soil, the fresh dirt was warm to my hands. My empty hands. I started crying. I should be holding my sweet baby in my arms, not planting a tree in her memory. Another wave of grief hit me and my heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces all over again.
The loss was real. Tears continued to roll down my face as we rooted the tree into the large ceramic container. My friends had meaningfully thought of each detail. By providing the giant container for planting, we could take our special remembrance tree with us as we moved.
Though that day triggered hard emotions, Baby Grace’s remembrance tree became my favorite gift in the midst of my grief. Even today when I see it, I think of her and smile.
When someone experiences miscarriage, it may be hard to think of the right gift to honor their baby or help them in their healing. I’m sharing gift ideas I have either given or received, as well as ideas from friends who have experienced miscarriage.
Meaningful Gifts For Someone After Miscarriage
If your friend or family member has chosen a name for their baby, I highly recommend personalizing a present for them. You could monogram a blanket, a name plaque for their remembrance tree, a stone for their garden or a journal with their baby’s name.
Including their baby’s due date or heaven date is also meaningful. We have a Remembrance Day that’s become special for us. Don’t be afraid to ask your loved ones what date they plan to remember their sweet baby and personalize a gift with that date.
A Handwritten Card
Never forget the impact of empathy and heartfelt words. Knowing that others were praying for me and there for me if I needed to talk was so life giving. When I write notes to others in loss, I like to include Psalms 34:18 that says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” It’s an important reminder that we are not alone when walking through grief.
The Gift of Music
After my loss, a family member gave me a CD with the song, “Glory Baby.” The lyrics are beautiful and a reminder that my baby is now in the arms of Jesus. I recommend tissue as you listen to this powerful song.
Text this curated Spotify playlist for grief, comfort and hope in Christ or find a song or hymn to console hurting hearts here.
Books are tremendously helpful in grief. A book by Kathe Wunnenberg, Grieving the Child I Never Knew, was so helpful to me. The author shares special devotionals for certain difficult dates like Mother’s Day or your due date. As a grieving mother of multiple losses herself, the words in her book spoke to my soul and offered encouragement and hope.
This list has the best Christian books for any kind of deep grief and loss, including those for miscarriage and baby loss.
Writing was therapeutic to me. Journaling in grief has multiple benefits, helping us process the deep emotions of loss, lament the hard questions in grief, destress, boost our mood and more. Many of the psalms in scripture show how David recorded his words of lament and grief.
Journaling is a record not only of what we feel and experience in grief, but how God is holding us through it. It allows us to cultivate gratitude in our pain and to write out our deepest prayers and needs.
Include a good journaling pen and this list of 50 grief journaling prompts.
Providing food to a family who is walking through a loss is both practical and loving. Ask to set up a meal train for them or deliver a single meal. Gifts cards for meals out, frozen dinners to stock their freezer and pre-made breakfast and lunch foods are also helpful options.
Even beyond that first week after the miscarriage, reach out and ask if they need anything at the grocery store whenever you do your weekly shopping. For me, it was very difficult going out in public after my miscarriage.
A Baby Memory Book
I remember saying many times in the months that followed my miscarriage, “I don’t want to forget my precious baby.” A special keepsake book is another great gift. For me, I added ultrasound pictures and the words I had journaled that summer. I still look at this priceless book every year on her Remembrance Day.
A Christmas Ornament
Holidays can be particularly hard when you’re grieving. One of my favorite ornaments to put on the tree each year is my special Baby Grace ornament. It is a small wooden angel with her name and year as well as the words, We Love and Miss You.”
Stuffed Animal or Cozy Blanket
A friend shared that her most profound gift was a stuffed animal and blanket with these words in the card: “Something to hold when your arms feel empty. Something to wrap around you when you most need comfort.”
Remembering is so important! Please don’t ignore the loss. Saying or doing nothing is extremely hurtful.
If you are not sure what to do, you can send a text or mail a card with the words, “I am so sorry for your
loss. I am praying for you and your family.” Acknowledging it and showing your support makes a
difference. I am praying these ideas will help you offer support and comfort to your loved one after a
Jodi Rosser is a writer, podcaster at Depth Podcast and author of Depth: Growing From Heartbreak to Strength. Having walked through multiple heartbreaks (divorce, miscarriage, and cancer), Jodi inspires women to find hope, joy and purpose through their unexpected storms. She lives with her two teenage sons in California. Connect at jodirosser.com (get her free resources library) and IG @jodi.rosser .