I sat at the stoplight, the back of my car filled with flower arrangements and my mind turning with thoughts and emotions. The week prior had brought cataclysmic change, and my mind was on overdrive trying to process all of it.
My thoughts drifted to the Bible story of four friends who placed their paralyzed companion on a mat and carried him to the feet of Jesus {See Luke 5:17-26}. I’ve always been the one helping, bringing a casserole. But now? I needed such healing. And in our deep hurt, our friends had come alongside us, carrying us.
Less than a week before, my husband had died, completely unexpectedly. We had gone to bed like every other night for 26 years, but in the wee hours of the morning, I awoke to Dan’s heavy breathing. Thinking it was a nightmare, I nudged his arm gently. “It’s okay, hon. It’s just a nightmare.”
A few minutes later, more awake, I realized this was not nightmare breathing. I flipped on the light and could see instantly that something was very wrong.
We started CPR immediately; the paramedics arrived and rushed him to the hospital. But Dan never recovered. I came back home, still very early in the morning, to do the hardest thing I’ve ever done — tell our seven children their dad had died.
Moments after I got home, my front door opened without a knock. It was a dear friend and her husband, who having been wakened by a phone call about Dan, threw on clothes and come to be with us. They wept with us in shock and grief.
As we wept together and I tried to explain what had happened, my front door opened again. I looked up to see the first friend I met when our family moved here seven years earlier. We met when she bought some homeschool books I was selling online. We discovered we would soon be neighbors in this big city, and she invited us to her church once we got to town. That church became our church and we’d been raising kids together ever since.
That morning, as my children and I struggled with the pain and grief of such sudden loss, our front door opened again and again and again.
Friends heard and came. Food piled around my dining room table, paper goods and boxes of tissue were set out, coolers packed with drinks lined the dining room. And a band of women, including my sweet sister, worked steadily in the kitchen.
And it wasn’t just the grownups who came to be with us.
As I rested in my room that afternoon, some friends came to get me. “You need to hear this,” they said. I walked into our family room and listened to guitars and teen voices singing praise songs from upstairs in the kids’ rooms.
My children’s friends — in probably a completely unfamiliar experience — had come to grieve with us and be with us.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep, Paul tells the body of Christ in Romans 12:15.
What do you say to someone who went to bed married and woke up a widow? How do you fix the hurt for a 17-year-old who will never have her dad move her into her first dorm or walk her down the aisle? What about boys coming of age?
Well, friends can’t fix it. They’re not meant to. Only God can heal those gaping wounds.
But when life shatters with pain, friends can give a soft landing.
“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.” {Romans 12:10}
Friends are not there to fix the hurt. I cannot take away the pain and suffering of others. That is for God. But I can carry them in the hurt.
I can pray for them. And listen to their heart. I can tell my friends I love them and weep with them and just be there with them.
Lisa this is so beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your heart!
These friends were the very hands and feet of Christ to us!
Thank you so much for sharing this Lisa i’m so touched and blessed at the same time.
Ntombi, they were such an example to me. They haven’t just helped us heal, they have taught me how to respond.
Sending you prayers and e-hugs <3
Thank you, Debbie. <3
What beauty in the Body of Christ in the midst of brokenness and pain. With you, so thankful for the amazing friends God has given us in the midst of grief and pain. Love you friend
Do you know this is how I really came to know Rhonda well? She was one of many heart friends we gained in our loss.
Lisa, thank you for this beautiful testimony of God’s living care through His people, your friends. I can identify with you so much as such similar things happened to me when Billy died. Like you, I have been buoyed along all these years by God’s loving care, so often coming through friends. Love to you, dear Lisa.
Only eternity will reveal how much healing our friends have brought to us. I know you have been that friend to so many, Janice!
Amen and Amen. Those are true friends. Thanks for sharing and for the reminder of what a true friend is like!
Yes. We are blessed, Beth.
Thank you for sharing the details of your loss! Just reading your post makes me want to come sit by your side and be a friend to you, even all these years later!
Praying for you now,
Jennifer
Jennifer, isn’t it amazing that on our worst day God was showering us with so much good? That is our God. Brings tears to my eyes!
Thank you so much for sharing. It took courage and an intimate relationship with God to acknowledge his blessings in the Valley
He is undeniably good. Thank you, Sindy.
This came to me as I sit waiting for my 35yr old daughter to come out of a PET/CT scan. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 weeks ago. Mom to two littles…4 and 2.
Beginning a journey we never saw coming…that being said…we are both so blessed with wonderful friends who are holding us up and giving us a soft place!
God is faithful…in control…and good!
On repeat these days!
Oh, I am praying for you and your daughter right now. You are so right — God doesn’t take the hard away; He shows us His faithfulness right in the middle of it.
Lisa, this is so beautiful and heartfelt. I love how the kids came and were there in the midst of your family’s grief. What an example of the love Christ has for us. I want to be that soft landing for my church family. Thank you for this.
That was such a lesson to me, Abby. That my kids’ friends had the courage to come and hang out and comfort in ways that only kids/teens could do. There was so much good that day in the midst of the hard.
I don’t have words, friend. Just so good and what beauty in that friendship. xo
Those are the moments that must make God beam with joy at His children. xoxo Tiffany.
You have no idea how timely this is for me. A dear friend lost her husband in a car accident just this afternoon. She hasn’t even had time to tell their 6 year old daughter. I’ve prayed and grieved and tomorrow I will go by and see how I can help physically and emotionally. This just gave the reassurance that my presence needs to be there. Thank you for being obedient to God leading on your writings.
Jenna, I’m so sorry for your friend. My heart aches for all that she and her daughter will grieve, but God will tenderly take care of them. Thank you for loving on them in crisis. It means the world.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband! My prayers and my tears are with you and your family.
Thank you, Jane. Your prayers are pure grace.
I know Dan is proud of you and can’t wait to see you and the kids in Heaven one day.
Every time I learn more about you through your posts, I am more and more amazed at your strength.
Love, Ansley
We have been carried by God and the prayers of so many. And yes, reunion with Dan will be sweet!
I think so often we worry too much about knowing what to say, or trying to say the right thing when someone is going through unspeakable grief. But your story shares such an important truth – just being there is the best thing a friend can do. Thank you for this, Lisa:)
Yes, Kristine, that was a huge lesson for me. And it takes the pressure off of us. Hugs are the best. ❤
Lisa, this is beautifully expressed. It rings true in my heart. Thanks for sharing!
This is one of my worst nightmares. My husband and I have been married for 41 years and have three grown children.
Your story is an encouragement to me and I pray if I ever have to face what you have and still do, that I will be assured that with God’s help, I will walk through it with grace and hope and a good support system.
God bless you, Lisa!
Lisa, I’m so moved by your story and how you continue to bring hope to others. Thank you for this reminder to allow my friends to be there for me, and for me in turn to extend that hand of comfort when they are hurting. This is more timely than you know!
Blessings to you, dear friend.
Oh Lisa. I can’t even imagine. And this beautiful picture you pain of friends flooding your home and your hearts, holding your hand and walking into the depths of grief with you AND the kids doing the same with your kids? It brings tears to my grateful eyes. God’s hands and feet have surely wrapped around you and your precious children, during this indescribable tragedy. I’m so so sorry for your loss. Praying you feel His love through those precious brothers and sisters near you.