Grief & Healing Archives - Page 3 of 18

How Do You Prepare Broken Hearts for Christmas?

12.08.2017 By Lisa Appelo 11 Comments

Six years ago, we faced a smile-less Christmas.

Only a few months before, the rhythmic ordinary that was our family life had been forever lost and I began shepherding eight stunned and broken hearts through the pain and questions and agony of missing.

Those next months? It took every ounce of hope just to put feet on the floor each morning and every bit of mental space and physical stamina not only to process my own grief, but to handle the paperwork, finances, household, parenting, taxiing, decisions and all that had once been shouldered by two.

And now, Christmas was coming.

As much as I longed for a good Christmas for my kids, I couldn’t imagine pulling together any kind of real celebration.

Our life seemed so far removed, so out of step from the shopping and parties, baking and merrymaking that engaged the rest of the world.

Even our own Christmas traditions felt too tender this year. I knew we’d come back to them, but this first year we just needed something else altogether.

And yet, I wanted to be present with my kids. I needed to be present with my kids. I had toddlers and school-aged kids and teens and we needed to do more than just survive Christmas.

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Making Peace with an Imperfect Home

11.29.2017 By Lisa Appelo Leave a Comment

If you’re visiting from (in)courage, welcome! I’d love to share a few of my favorite things with you. First, you can download the first two chapters of my family advent devotional Countdown to Christmas here. And for encouragement sent right to your inbox, subscribe here and I’d love to send my free 100 Days with Christ Bible study and journal. Blessings to you and yours as we prepare our hearts for Jesus this advent. You can read more about our family here.

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“If you need to evacuate, you’re welcome here.”

What had I just done? Even as I extended the invitation, I was horrified I’d done it.

The largest hurricane on record in the Atlantic was bearing down on Florida and the entire state was on high alert. New data showed a sudden change of course and the Category 4 storm was now headed straight toward my sister’s house.

She had already taken in her in-laws. Now they all needed a place to evacuate and every hotel room within 700 miles was booked from those fleeing this mega-storm.

“I’ll call you right back and let you know,” my sister replied. As we ended our call, I silently hoped they might go north as they’d originally planned. But a few minutes later, I got a text: “We’re on our way. Don’t worry about dinner. We have supplies packed.”

Um, dinner was the last thing on my mind. What worried me was the state of my house.

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Awake O Sleeper

11.16.2017 By Lisa Appelo 17 Comments

Awake O Sleeper
God bids you come
and meet with Him this morn,
Pour out your heart
give Him the struggles
the missing that you mourn.
He knows you grieve
for what’s been lost,
the dreams cut short and shorn,
but new life greets,
new dreams await
whole chapters yet unborn.

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Grieving Someone Still Living or Something That’s Died

11.02.2017 By Lisa Appelo 23 Comments

When we think of grief, we most often think of the mourning that comes after someone has died.

But grief is so much wider. We grieve because of loss and life can dish up all kinds of loss.

Those losses can trigger the same emotions and the same physical responses we experience when someone we love has died.

It’s a myth that we only grieve someone who has died.

Because we can very much grieve someONE who is still living. And we can grieve someTHING that has died.

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Debunking the Get Over It Myth in Miscarriage

10.27.2017 By Lisa Appelo 2 Comments

Grief in miscarriage | loved baby | pregnancy loss | infertililty

Can you grieve a little life you never got to hold? Sarah Philpott, author of Loved Baby, says miscarriage can trigger surprising grief for women and we often carry the grief privately. I know you’ll love Sarah and her words as much as I do as she debunks a myth about grief in miscarriage.

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After both of my miscarriages I felt confused.

Was it okay to be so sad over the loss of a baby I’d never met?
Was it okay to grieve?
Was I going crazy? Or was this anxiety I felt something real?
Was it okay for a Christian to be sad over the loss of a child in the womb?

It turns out I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. For the past three years I’ve researched the topic of pregnancy loss—miscarriage, stillbirth, and ectopic loss. I’ve talked to hundreds of sweet, grieving mamas and I have even talked to men. I compiled all of this into Loved Baby: 31 Devotions Helping You Grieve and Cherish Your Child After Pregnancy Loss. It turns out that the feelings of anger, jealousy, anxiety, depression, and all the other common grief reactions occur after the loss of a child.

If you are reading this and you have experienced loss please accept my sincerest condolences. Have questions like mine swirled in your mind, too?

I want to debunk one of the grief myths of pregnancy loss. The myth that we should “just get over it.” Or we should accept the simple and hurtful platitude of “you can always try again” or “it was God’s will.” Those statements hurt, don’t they? They fail to take into account that we lost a specific child and that for some of us, “trying again” isn’t a possibility.

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