When Dan died, we lost a hundred other things too.

Our grief isn’t just for missing him.

His death touched every single part of life. From the way we do dinner around the table to the rhythm of our calendar.

As the weeks wore on after his death, I slowly realized the full extent of loss.

The secondary losses in grief part of what make grief so tenacious, so pervasive as it upends normal in every part of life.

I made a list yesterday of the secondary losses for a young widow. My list might look a bit different than yours if you are grieving the death of a child, pregnancy loss, a divorce, a relationship, an adult child who’s living.

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I would not have chosen to write about grief.

When God called me to write, I stepped out in huge faith – and then wrote about homeschooling. I planned a 31-day series on math manipulatives and collaborated with other homeschooling moms on a new site.

But God would have none of it.

So I began to write words I’d so desperately searched for as a young widow. 

When Dan died, I didn’t know one other young widow.

I wanted to know what grief would look like, whether my reactions were normal, whether I’d ever smile again and whether we’d be okay. Would we make it through?

Oh, how I needed someone a few steps ahead to reach back and assure me that though grief was brutal, God would take care of us.

Sunshine would prevail over the dark despair of my broken heart, God himself would be my pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night as I single-parented these kids, and days of broad smiles spilling from deep joy would come again.

I cry when I meet other young widows in those first months of fumbling in the dark for faith.

I cry when I hear their stories and remember the collision of pain and missing and fear and overwhelm.

I want to reach back and extend a hand and say, this way. I can’t fix it. But I can help you find a way through.

And so, today, I offer these 10 ways to keep moving forward through grief.

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